Monday, August 30, 2004

Wild Weekend!

Greetings all massive and crew. I am writing to you from the confines of my office, listening to the other lecturer telling his students about the intricacies of operating systems *bleh*! Well, I must say that the weekend was pretty wild overall--spent about $700 just like that! Well, I'd like to say that I did something like go to Vegas with Pebbles or went to Pittsburgh and partied from sunset of Friday afternoon to sunrise this morning. Unfortunately, I spent Saturday morning at the mechanic getting shocks and struts put on my ride. When that was done, I went to the electronics store to check out my car radio's electrical system, resulting in me purchasing a brand new JVC head unit for $99...gotta say though, I'm glad I got the unit--nothing beats ripping up the highway at 70+mph with Bounty Killa riding shotgun and Junior Gong, Spragga Benz and Hawkeye chillin in the back seat (di sound sweet iya!).

Anyhow, after that stuff got done, me and Pebbles decided to take a friend of ours, Kim Chee, to look for new cars. Apparently she wrecked her car sometime this summer and was looking for something new(er). Well, we went to the first place, and they had a sweet looking 2001 Honda Civic just calling my name (it was about $8995, less than 23k miles on the odometer and a manual!). Well, of course, I HAD to take it for a test drive (partially to satiate my desire to drive a new(er) car and partially to prove to Pebbles that I actually knew how to drive a stick). The car drive sweet iya! Didn't even stall once, the way the clutch was easy.

Well, after I had driven out the car to my desire, I turned it over to Kim (after all, she is the one who intended to buy it!) and, to my disdain, the girl almost crashed coming out of the parking lot! Now, as you might have guessed, Kim is Korean (not that I'm dissing Asian drivers now you know!), about 5'5" tall and skinny like a board, so it was damn funny to see this little asian chick with her seat pulled up all the way desparately trying not to crack up a bright gold Civic! Looking back in retrospect, it's a good thing she panicked and stalled the engine, otherwise we'd have run right thru the safety glass at the dealership and it wouldn't have been very funny then, now would it!

Anyhow, it took me a while to realize that the girl is, in general, not a great driver and, though she claimed to have learned to drive AND gotten her US license with a stick-shift, I made the false assumption that everybody who learned how to drive with a stick would probably just stall out a few times and then pick up the rake again, isn't that the case? Well, Pebbles and I decided really fast that Kim wasn't really up to driving a stickshift, so we decided to move on to greener pastures (i.e. another dealership).

Our journies took us to another town where we found another Honda dealership that had a bit more variety with respect to used car selections. Well, it turns out that there was a 98 Accord with only 80K miles on it and, though she wasn't really excited about it, I told her to give it a spin and see how it felt. Well, she fell in love with the car (so did Pebbles and I), and decided to buy it for cash. Well, with that business taken care of, we decided to go for lunch/dinner at this really nice all you can eat buffet called Ryan's. We ate so much that we could barely move after!

Once we were fed, the women were in the mood to go shopping (whereas I was in the mood to sleep), so we stopped at the local mall and hit Target for some slipcovers for the furniture. Later, we split up and the ladies spent a few hours at Old Navy and Elder Beerman, while I passed the time in Target looking for new beats for my head unit (wasn't going to buy Bob's Legend CD a backside), computers and, of course, Lego! Gotta say Lego has advanced quite a bit since I was a kid...but I'm not sure I like the Harry Potter and Star Wars-themed stuff.

Anyhow, life was good up to the time we got back in town and I headed towards Kim's house. Now, at this point in time, I'm reaaally tired (driving 640 miles a week does take a toll on you) and Kim was directing me up a hill to get to her home. I know about 4 different ways to get to her apartment complex, but I couldn't remember why I hated going up that hill in particular. Well, the answer came to me as the car fell into a ditch on the side of the road....duhhh, now I remember! Well, of course, I can't get the car out because it bottomed out and I'm scared my axle was torn. We try calling AAA, but the turds weren't answering their 800 number! As faith would have it, a couple guys came along and offered to help me out...which they did. We got the car out, it was more or less ok, though there is a mount that I found that I just can't figure where it came from! It's not a transmission mount (because I'd have felt it), so I'm assuming that it's some sort of stabilizing mount or something....well, I'm taking her to the shop tomorrow, so hopefully they'll figure it out for me.

So, my perfect day was almost ruined, but thank God we're all OK and the car is OK as well (as far as I know), but I definately need to take her in to the shop tomorrow! Anyhow, I've filled this blog talking about me, me, me, so I think I need to stop rambling and go read the writing of some of the other bloggers that comprise the Jamaican Blog Possee.

{arf,arf}

Friday, August 27, 2004

Monday Morning Blues

Is it Monday already? Darn, it seems like just yesterday it was Sunday (oh yeah, yesterday WAS Sunday!) and now I have to be back at work again. Talk about a wild start to my morning! I wake up at 6:00am and decide that I deserved to sleep until 6:30am, since I was up all night putting much needed work into my horribly organized room! Anyhow, 6:30am rolls around and I'm thinking, "I really should wake up, but I can sleep until 6:40". 6:40 rolls by and I make to get out of bed, but somehow it took me 15 minutes to raise my torso and put my feet on the ground. Do the regular bathroom thing, i.e. the Three S's, skipped breakfast and was out the door at 7:08am. Now, wouldn't you know, I'm almost on the Interstate when it hits me that my car needs gas, oil and air. I totally forgot to fill up, add some oil to the engine, and adjust my tire pressure--dumbass! So, of course, I have to pull off at Sheetz and do all of the above, which took me all of 15 minutes.

Now, when it's 8:30am, work starts at 9am and you're still 45 minutes away from your job site, things seem a lot different and the foot tends to get a little heavy. Well, fortunately, I can't COMFORTABLY go over the speed limit of 70mph, since my car needs balancing and the steering vibrates almost as rapidly as a O.Ding crackhead, must get that fixed when next paycheck comes. Anyhow, I call my office and tell my secretary (OK, she's not exactly MY secretary per se, we all share her) that I'll be about 20-25 minutes late. Not a problem, life is good, and I'm happy--especially since I was only 15 minutes late, but managed to teach all I needed to teach within the alloted time. Even managed to bang out a project for my intro to computers class and chat with the other CS professor about the future of CS and MIS, isn't life grand? Would have had beaucoup time to eat, but a student of mine that needed help with functions came by to see me and we spent an hour talking code, which was beaucoup more fun than eating lunch (at least it was at the time, but now I'm hungry). No time to stop and eat, gotta dash off to the next class and the cycle goes on and on. How I love being in academia!

Anyhow, I have nothing really blogworthy this afternoon, since I haven't had time to read the newspaper and bitch and complain about all things political. So, I think that before I put my foot any further in my mouth, I'll cut this post here! Oh, before I forget, Pebbles is defending her research prospectus today...which means that by this evening she'll be a 3/4 Professor!!! Next add the research and the final dissertation defense some time in May, add water, and voila! you have a new college professor!

Me gone now!

{arf,arf}

TGIF!!

Big up and respec' to all my crew and faithful readers. Now that I am in the world of the working-class I can safely use the world famous abbreviation to express my utter delight at the prospect of a two-day weekend without being condemned for being an unemployed heathen living 10% below the poverty line [i.e. graduate student].

Just got done teaching my final class of the week and I'm really glad it's over [sadly I must disassemble another computer on Tuesday in order to demonstrate the wonderful internal features of the intricate device to the rest of my students...oh how I hate teaching Introduction to Computers!].

Anyhow, I must say that work has become a serious impediment to my Olypmic-viewing sessions. I did read about how the US basketball team are out of the contention for gold or silver, so that's enough to put a smile on my face. Now, I don't want the US to be totally out of the medal rankings, after all, I *sort of* live here too you know! However, I'm really happy that international basketball has come to such a level where they are beating men from a country that have a professional basketball league...see, the NBA is all about a star or two and a few other supporting players. International basketball, on the other hand, is all about teamwork and coordinated efforts...to me that is the spirit of the game overall.

Now, I've got to say that NBC's coverage of the Olympics hasn't really been that bad! In fact, I'm impressed by the fact that they seem to be a bit less biased than previous years (circa 1994). Obviously the bias thing is going to be present, after all if I was broadcasting the Olympics, I'd make sure to put more emphasis on the events that Jamaicans compete in. Speaking of which, nuff big up to Veronica Campbell (Gold 200m, Bronze 100m), Danny McFarlane (Silver, 400m hurdles), and the womens 4x100 team for striking medals (yes, we did get GOLD in the 4x100 relay to rass!).

Anyhow, is friday, the checking account looking sorta healthy (even though bills pay and car going get new shocks and struts tomorrow), so I think I going to pack up my little bag and head out the door where Pebbles awaits. Her friend Lexus is in town and invited us over for a barbq [free rass food and liquor!], so you know I not going to tarry (stick around) for too long at all, must make my 1+ hour drive home now. Speaking of which, I need some input, can you guys drop me a comment and let me know if 1 hour (64+ miles) is too much to drive to and from work 5 days a week).

{arf,arf}

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Teaching Day 1

Well, it's day 1 of teaching and I've gotten through my first few classes. The day didn't go too badly at all and I'm really happy with the students I have [thus far]. My programming students are really enthusiastic about writing code, but they aren't very experienced sadly. I think that I'm going to work with this small group of four students and try to transform them into a crack group of programmers by the end of the semester...as long as they're willing to be transformed. My Computer 101 classes, on the other hand, are pretty straightforward--they've got a huge book to go through and skills like Word, PowerPoint, Excel and so on are best taught by trial and error IMHO.

At any rate, this is all I have to really say right now, so I'm gonna bail for a while and go help serve dinner to students :). Like the rest of the Jamaican blogging crew, I seem to have hit a slump with respect to ideas, so I must find a way to re-invogorate myself once again!

{arf,arf}

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Crimefighting in Jamaica

I just finished reading Mad Bull's and he was talking about the whole crime situation in Jamaica and the state of affairs with criminals kidnapping people and demanding ransoms. Well, the Bull raised a very thought-provoking question with respect to whether or not the government can do anything to stem the crime situation that now plagues the country. My answer to that question in the short term is no. The government no longer has the power to reign in these criminal elements and the military and police force work under strict guidelines and, even when they do something right, they come under harsh criticism from the public.

After considering the situation, I realize that there is actually a way to eliminate the criminal element and solve much of the crime problems in our society while benefitting our ailing tourism sector. Basically, what I have in mind is to offer a "vacation" package to mercenaries, soldiers, bounty hunters and amateur hunters from all over the world. They basically come to Jamaica free and clear and pay us to hunt down and kill our criminals. Of course, firm guidelines have to be established about the killing of innocents resulting in prosecution and legal action from the family of the deceased.

The idea is that the sport could be run like a fox hunt in the US or Britian. Target one well-known criminal (obviously our authorities have records about these felons) and, using some trusted guide, hunt down the criminals and eliminate them. As a happy side-effect, the cronies of the said criminal being hunted will probably be killed as well! Of course, since the mercenaries do it on a volunatary basis and they have to sign a contract, we don't care too much if they get killed in the process.

Now, does anyone agree with my idea or did I succesfully manage to piss you off? Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

{arf,arf}

Unnu Tink Seh Mi Done...

Nope, they couldn't get me out of the blogging race, no matter how hard they tried! They could break my monitor, I'd still find a way to blog...they could take away my DSL, I'd still find a way to blog, they could even try to steal my PC, but I'd still blog!

The reason why I haven't written anything for a while is because I am in silent protest...no updates from the JBC (Jamaican Blogging Crew) or the foreign contingent, hence I am in a state of passive demonstration! *Sigh* the truth is that I have been busy with the orientation practices and all the fun stuff that it takes to become a teacher :(. The bad thing is that I had (and still have to) sit through a bunch of meetings this week. The good news is that I will be getting paid come Wednesday of next week! Finally, I have sufficient funds to take Pebbles out for a night on the town, pay the bills on time and drink a VX (yes, the real stuff and no Zima or Smirnoff Ice) with Dr. D. and Mad Bull [of course, Princess P and Yamfoot invited as well].

Well, the orientation activities roll on, I need to find a schedule and figure out when the hell I'm going to teach, I need to buy some new clothes for the job, and the list goes on and on... I will write more [much more] later this evening when I'm in the privacy of my own home!

{arf,arf}

Saturday, August 14, 2004

To Philly and Back: A Dog's Tale [Part 2]

Well it's Sunday afternoon, cool and sunny and I am back home in Little Big City. The road trip from Philly wasn't too bad at all...aside from nearly getting hit by a Honda CRV because the driver failed to check his blind spot while trying to cross into my lane, the trip was relatively uneventful. Mitsy ran like a champion and it's now official, she has 170K miles on her odometer! Speaking of which, I must be certain to give my baby an oil change sometime this week...she truly deserves it! Believe me, she is going to even get a full wash, wax and Armor-All treatment.

You all know the credo about if you know how to drive in Jamaica, you know how to drive anywhere? well, it's 100% true you know! Here I am driving around Philly like I was born there...pulling three-point parallel parks like it was second nature, merging onto 95mph traffic on I-95 like I knew what the hell I was doing ;)...I guess it really does pay to get a Jamaican drivers license and actually drive on the island for a while, no matter how bad the Americans are, they can't be as bad as the Jamaicans--the Indian and Chinese drivers here now are a completely different story, but that is for another day and another entry.

Anyhow, me and Pebbles went to a wedding yesterday for a friend of ours sister. I gotta say, American weddings are pretty damn cool. First, it was in the garden of her parents house, the bride was on time [as a result of being at home!] and the entire ceremony took about 15 - 20 minutes...not like the long service for most Jamaican weddings I've been to! The reception was at the same premises, on the lawn under a tent. The food did damn good [we all get food fi carry home to rass!], juice did a flow, and the vibes did nice. I guess, simple times like these makes me glad that I can appreciate the beauty and uniquness of the Jamaican culture while seeing the diverse and interesting side of the American culture.

Anyhow, I gone go cut cake [ummm, literally you perverts!]...me and Pebbles went shopping for dessert, so I will catch unnu pon di flip side!

{arf,arf}

Friday, August 13, 2004

Road Trip to Philadelphia: Part 1 [The Drive To Philly]

7:22am and I'm sitting in our friend Lexus' apartment in Philadelphia. Took me about five hours to get here and the trip wasn't too bad overall. Aside from having zero visibility weather in Frostburg, MD (courtesy of Charly and Bonnie) and almost getting run off the road by an 18-wheeler in Cumberland, MD, the trip really wasn't too bad after all. I arrived in Philadelphia a little after 4pm and, after spending all day driving on three - four different Interstates without missing a beat, I got lost one block away from Lexus' apartment [stupid Mutt].

Was really happy to see Pebbles and Lexus and we had a good time. Parking at her place is reminiscent of the horrible parking they have in Little Big City, but we did manage to find a spot where I can *hopefully* park for free. Anyhow, we drove downtown to South street, which is just a long stretch of shops. Can I tell you, I saw everything on South street! We saw hippies, we saw latin chulitos, we saw jamaicans, we saw gay couples [overheard a lesbian talking to a gay guy about the new girl she was dating]. The people here seem to be all about sex with at least 1 sex shop on every block. Of course, Pebbles and Lexus had to stop in Condom World to see what was to be seen...of course, I didn't go, because I'm not interested in those things [besides, I was too busy watching two goth chicks making out across the street].

Hey, guess what, I was driving along one of the side streets and you know what I found? Yes, an authentic Jamaican obeah man to rass! Well, at least now I know where to go if I want to "fix" s'maddy business [watch it Dr. D!] ;). Anyhow, we ended the night going to a spanish restaurant and eating a feast! We had some pig (I think they call it Lechazo...but the pork did irie iya...nothing like our Jamaican jerk pork, but it coulda nyam. The skin was crispy and crunchy and the meat was nice and tender...I think is baby pig they use in order to ensure the meat soft.



Speaking of which, while looking for a picture of Lechon, I came across an interesting article (click on the word article above to view the entire story), about the Governer of New Jersey, James McGreevey, resigning from office because he cheated on his wife with another man! He openly admitted to being gay and cheating on his wife at a press conference and said that he would resign from office because of the situation. Ladies, it just goes to show you that you can't always trust the man you're with...imagine, this good fellow had 2 kids and a wife and still turned out to like guys. Oh well, that's the way life is sometimes!

Anyhow, I need to go hol' a fresh (remember the song) and the ladies complaining about hungry, so I gone!

{arf,arf}

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Ode To My Fellow Bloggers

Good morning folks, I bet you never knew that the AngryDog was a writer of no mean order! Well, listen, I don't have very much to say this morning so I'll keep it short. Please visit my writer's blog at League of Extraordinary Writers and tell me what you think about my latest short story, entitled "Innocent". Also, I have written a little poem to big up my fellow bloggers who visit this site from time to time. Cause you dun know that I have nothing but love for you guys!

Come let me tell you a tale of a guild of creative writers so fine,
Insomniacs who spend too many of their waking hours online.

Let me tell you of days when blogging was king,
And writers asked questions like “what’s a network ping?”

Let me tell you of a band of bloggers so fine,
Noble products of the land of wood, water and sunshine.

Who’s words echoed humor, insight and good cheers,
Who thrived upon the comments of said peers.

Let me tell you of the Bull that’s Mad,
The super-smart, computer college grad.

Who reigns upon the island where turtles get eat,
Whose favorite expressions usually ends with "cleet".

With wife Natty and son MBJr. by his side,
Two beacons of love, happiness, joy and pride.

Now we take a trip back to the rock,
To a certain doctor that keep yard pon lock.

A true master of culinary design,
The only yardie that serves you dinner with wine.


An interesting fellow on the IM mat,
Give him some V/X and hear when him start chat.

Ladies don’t be alarmed,
For I intend you no harm.

Let us talk about Lady Yamfoot,
The only one amongst us who knows the origin of “Mokoot”.

An astute cricket fan and writer to be sure,
With a fondness for photos of her pedicure.

The island-hopping, ultra cool chick,
With charm and wit that is pretty darn quick.

Next we come to Bimshire, the land of Princess P,
A diva and a goddess as far as the mind can see.

A woman quite adept at massaging her every word
Into the most beautiful melodies ever heard.

Lest we forget the youngest blogger of the lot,
A man who gives the blogging thing a weekly shot.

Speaking of such, Owen where is your update?
Don’t you know you’re already a day late?

Who can forget the one called Strainer10,
My bonafide bredren, aka my friend.

A soon to be giant in the IT field
As soon as all the mysteries of C++ are revealed.

Don’t think I forget you Seven, Ciya, Mr. Man,
And the rest of the crew at Babel Land.

We enjoy your words of wisdom and humor when you do post,
Though I think we might have to blame your web host!

And of course I am the one they call Angry Dog,
Sleep very little, but when I do, I’m a log.

Trapped in the land where the necks are red,
Where it’s fashionable to wear pillowcases on your head.

A decent writer of some repute,
But to talk anymore about me would be moot.

I must big up my friends hard_nonsence and the cutie from q8,
Two contributors and friends that I really appreciate.

And my darling Pebbles who I know will read this blog and laugh,
She may even get her friend Wilma to post some spanish on her behalf!

I think I’ve completely exhausted my list of words,
Now go out and have some fun you computer nerds!

I think I need to go and rest my head,
Because my eyelids starting to get as heavy as lead.

With these words my poem comes to and end,
Hit me with a comment if you’re really my friend!


{arf,arf}

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Quick Sunday Post

Good evening one and all, hope you're having a wonderful, relaxing Sunday evening like I am. All is well in the world...well, at least the world in my mind. The apartment is clean, chicken in the oven baking, food in the fridge, gave up on the brakes after spending two days trying to pull a single bolt to release the caliper on the driver's side (and after Pebbles expressed her concern about me working on the car so close to the time that I'm supposed to pick her up in Philadelphia). The problem with the bolt is that the damn salt that they spread on the road during the winter (to prevent skidding on the ice) has this annoying side effect of corroding the suspension and braking system components, so try as I might (WD40 didn't help either), there is no way to get the bolt off myself [unless I develop Hulk-like abilities by morning...or invest in a power tool which I don't need]...more than likely they're going to have to apply heat to it in order to pull it anyway. The man inside me is saying "$hit, you couldn't even repair a simple brakes" but the body is saying "don't stress me out no more trying to pull that damn bolt! Jus low it rude bwoy".

Most of you might have seen a post I did the other day poking fun at the good Dr. D. Well, I was surfing online and came across an article about this guy from San Fransisco that apparently doctored a video to make it appear as if he was beheaded by Iraqi militants. The man, a 22 year old college dropout, aspiring politician, computer programmer claims that he did it because he wanted to see how quickly it would spread across the Internet...even going as far as Arab television. Apparently, he claimed that he was using this video as a means of drawing attention to his political campaign.

Now, the question I have is why the hell would someone want to do something that disturbing to get into politics in the first place? Which leads to the second question, would you want someone as stupid as that in ANY position of power? I think not!

Anyhow, I think I have said my piece for this evening, now if you don't mind, I have to go and make the sauce for my chicken ;) Talk to you all tomorrow!

{arf,arf}

Dawg Turn Rapper To R.A.S.S!!

Hi all, c'est moi, le AngryDog :D. Now, I'm not sure if I wrote about the new JVC head unit (i.e. CD Player) I bought for my car a few weeks ago, well, the thing is kicking much butt! It makes the ride to work seem much more pleasant and I can finally listen to some hardcore dancehall riddims! Anyhow, I think I've been listening to way too much Elephant Man, Tupac, and so on, because I was trying to write a poem this morning and got myself a hardcore gangsta rap instead!


Papa, can you hear me when I cry,
Mama, will you be there when I die?

The depression, the sorrow, the pain
The hatred like antifreeze runnin' thru my veins

All my life I been tryin to be the best grandson, son, nephew, lover, and friend...
Where ma family, girl, n****s gonna be when its time to meet my end?

Tired of paying for my sins and crimes of the past,
Tired of these b****es judging me, treating me like a f****g outcast.

B***es forgot I was the n***a there to dry their tears,
B***es forgot I was the n***a they used to run to with their fears.

F**k y'all and listen to me well,
Cause I got another motherf**n' story to tell.

Y'all betrayed me last month, prosecuted me last week, chastised me yesterday, now you try to crucify me today...
Do what u wanna do, say what you wanna say, you can't hurt this n**a anyway.

You turn ma boo against me, with your contempteous lies,
Do you see any tears coming from this n**as's eyes?

You try to mess with my mind, f**k with my head...
Get over yourself b**ch, I don't give a sh*t if I'm alive or dead.

Your day is coming, it's coming real soon...
Every f***ng cowboy has his high noon

Bring it on b**ch, bring it all to me,
C'mon b**ch, c'mon lets see

I'll paint the f***n town red with your entrails
I'll be the n**a that's gonna drive the last nail...

Bring it on b**h, bring it all to me,
C'mon b**h, c'mon lets see



So, do you think the rap can sell? Anyhow, I'm a bit bummed about the fact that we up north are getting the last little backlash from Frances--it's raining like a mo'fo up in here and I dread the evening drive to go back to my little ranch. Oh well, just have to say a little prayer and tek time gwaan.

Gotta go back to tending young minds.

{arf,arf}

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Are You a Prince or a Player?

Yesterday was a long and very interesting day still. Went to meet with some kids from the local boys and girls club and talk to them about Jamaica. They asked me all sorts of questions about myself and actually managed to squeeze in a few about Jamaica too! I taught them that we are not a nation of weed smoking dreadlocks running around in palm skirts, dancing and smiling all the time while chanting words like "yeah mon" and "irie". Nope, I taught them that we really are a proud and noble race of people with a rich and proud heritage and they loved me for it. They learned about cricket, Miss Lou, Patois and even tried to read a poem in patois! Not a bad job for Independence day, huh?

Anyhow, I was messing around with MSN and came up with a most interesting article by Dr. Debbie Magids. She has some very interesting advice for women when trying to determine if their men are Princes or Players

Here are her six guidelines as posted in her article:

  • A prince calls when he says he will. A player has a long list of excuses as to why he couldn’t call.



  • A prince puts you first. A player puts everything but you first – work, golf, drinking, friends, you name it.



  • A prince wants to meet your family and friends and wants you to meet his (when he sees the relationship is moving forward). A player may take you out with his friends (or bring his friends along on your date, depending how you view it), even on the first date. Consider this a clear sign that dating you has little to do with building a relationship. As for family, don’t plan on meeting them.



  • A prince invests time in you – taking time to find out your favorite song, dessert, etc., a sign of his falling for you. A player puts forth little effort to really get to know you.



  • A prince is the one who will hand-deliver chicken soup when you’re sick. A player is the one who will be way too busy to see you when you’re sick because it won’t be any fun for him.



  • A prince will romance you slowly, bringing you a single flower or bouquet when the time is right, sending a romantic card, or going someplace fancy for dinner to celebrate something special. A player will romance you from soup to nuts right away – dozens of the most expensive bouquets “just because,” going to the most expensive restaurants from the beginning, and other similar extravagances. He’s looking for a quick payoff.


Well, though there is some margin of truth to her claim, I think that Dr. Magids is somewhat lacking in that department. Basically, everything she describes here as a characteristic of the prince could also be applied to a player...a very, very good player. I think Dr. Magids was trying to describe what we in Jamaica term a "wukliss bwoy" [worthless boy] or a wannabe player. If a player did not do all the things described above then his game would be seen too easily and he would then be left with nothing!

So, the question is, what is a lady to do to determine whether or not her man is a player? Well, you can't, unless you're very perceptive. One tell-tale sign that may be useful is whether or not your man has a good memory for things or, failing that, writes everything down. See, the one thing about a player is that he has to be able to remember a large number of things and keep his stories straight--this is in direct conflict with the nature of men in general, who tend to be more disorganized in their head spaces. Therefore, if a man has a knack for remembering details (like the color of the lipstick you had on two weeks ago at night for dinner), he might be a player. Anyow, that is my opinion, take it or leave it.

Going to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow to fix my brakes. Wish me luck!

{arf,arf}

Thursday, August 05, 2004

The Dawg A Lick Out Gainst "Dear Pastor"

Now, if you've lived in Jamaica for any period of time and used to read the Jamaican Star when it was much more than a weekly tabloid trying to imitate the National Enquirer and Star bulls*it from the US of A (these papers make excellent window and glass cleaners I might add). Anyhow, I used to always enjoy reading the Dear Pastor advice column because I used to think that the man was actually imparting some good advice. Well, the truth is, sometimes he has some *decent* advice for the Jamaican society--but sometimes the man chat pure fart [besides, me know seh di likkle bald head bredda weh write the column is not no damn pastor anyhow!].

Take for instance, this lady in Canada with a stalker boyfriend issue:


DEAR PASTOR,

I have been seeing this man for over the past five years. We have a two-year old son.

We care about each other a lot, but he just can't stay committed to me. I found out that he had a relationship with another girl while I was pregnant and it continued later. I even caught them in bed together.

He was so sorry when he did that he cried and immediately stopped seeing her.

We continued seeing each other and he did it again, so I ended the relationship with him and asked him to support his child and leave me alone.

Every time I try to move on, he gets in the way. Sometimes he stalks me and comes to my home when I do my answer my cell phone. I am getting really irritated by this man. I was once in love with him and now I can't stand to be around him. I don't believe anything he says.

How can I get him to understand that he did me wrong and I can't trust him anymore? Each time I tell him this, he says he has changed and he won't do it again. Please let me know what to do. This man can become a little violent.

N.J., Montreal, Quebec


Dear N.J.,

You can take out a restraining order against this man. Talk to a lawyer.

I believe that he thinks that you are not serious. Perhaps he would get the message if you were to take the matter to court.

Pastor


Well, here is my answer to N.J :


Dear N.J. you dun know seh the court of law ting not going to work and the restraining order ting is foolishness, what you need to do is buy yourself a shotgun. Anytime you see the man coming to your place, shoot him. But, mek sure that when you shoot him, you shoot him in the leg, that way you won't go to jail for murder (at least in the US). Plus, if you get a good lawyer and establish "probable cause" and "duress" and all those other fancy legal terms you will probably get off with a slap on the wrist. At any rate, if it don't work out, don't call me, cause is not my fault....though to be safe, I would suggest going on a vacation with him to the US and then shoot him.

Pastor AngryDog

So, do you think I have what it takes to be an advice columnist? Drop me a comment and let me know what you think!

{arf,arf}

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Jamaican Money

Howdy all, I'm really sorry for the outpouring of emotion on yesterdays blog. But I wish to thank all my fellow bloggers who offered me support by way of your comments, it's been a rough 2 weeks, and most of you that I chat to on MSN probably realized that I was not quite myself. I'm back now, and I thank you all for the kind words, it really means a lot to me to realize I'm not alone in this sometimes bitter world.

Anyhow, you wondering from the title what I have in store today, right? Well, I was thinking about how Jamaican money used to well pretty sah and it set my little mind to wandering all over the Internet and I came up with this really interesting site where this guy specializes in collecting paper money from all the world, Jamaica included.



Remember the days of the paper 50 cent? I found one long ago and I wish I'd kept it, cause I figure it has to be worth something now! [or maybe not, with our horrendous exchange rate]. Anyhow, I remember the days when I could find anything from shopping list to girl phone number on Jamaica paper money. One time I even called a phone number that I found on a 20 dollar bill:

*Me: Hello, may I speak to Latoya?
*Father: A who dis a call mi dawta?
*Me: Is a friend of hers from school.
*Father: Which school dat?
*Me: Ardenne.
*Father: You to f--ing lie, a Merle Grove Latoya go and you a nuh gyal!

I think it was after that conversation that I decided not to call girls whose numbers I found scribbled hastily on paper money. Aside from using the money as note papers, I can still remember us making things like guns, rings and paper airplanes. Yes sir, our paper money was truly versatile.

Now, when we talk about our coins, that's a completely different story. Remember those big, shiny 10,25 and 50 cents that we used to have? Those things were quite versatile you know! As a matter of fact, the 10 cents were very good for things like money football and money basketball. The 25 cents were really good for a nice, long game of money TT (Table Tennis). To be honest with you, I still have pain in my hands from the many games of money TT that we used to play with those hard metal coins. You had to have gone to an all-boys school with an excess of testosterone to spare. The 50 cents, on the other hand, could be a dangerous weapon if wielded by the right person...I've seen boys take out other boys in fights with a 50 cent coin...freaking incredible!

Speaking of 50 cent, a friend of mine told me about this friend of his who used to work as a security guard at a store at nights. Well, his wife was a bit randy and decided to take on a little lover on the side while hubby was away at work. All was well until hubby comes home from work early one day (he wasn't feeling well) and finds this short, hairy Indian fellow pumping away at his wife like he was a jockey at Caymanas Park [a popular horse racing track in Jamaica]. Now, my friend told me that his buddy was 6'6" tall and HUGE. So of course, you can tell that a naked 5'6" tall fellow on top of such a man's wife would feel a shade intimidated scared shitless.

Anyhow, the hubby just looked at the little man and told him to get up and take all the money out of his pockets. The little Indian fellow obeyed, and it turned out that he only had a 50 cent coin in his pocket (at the time, 50 cent was actually bus fare). So he pocketed the money and told the fellow to leave. Wifey tried her hardest to talk to him, but he wouldn't say a word. He just stripped off and went to bed. Next morning he sat at the breakfast table while she was preparing his meal and just kept playing with the 50 cent. He left and came back from work and lay the 50 cent down on the night stand next to her, all the time not saying a word to her. This ritual continued for weeks, until the wife finally just snapped and had to leave the house. Now, that is what I call a cold revenge IMHO.

Anyhow, enough talking, I am going to my bed...car needs to get serviced tomorrow, so I have to go sleep.

{arf,arf}

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I Miss You Grandma...

...You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you. Look into your heart, you will find there's nothing there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life, I would give it up, I would sacrificie. Don't tell me, it's not worth fighting for, I can't help it, there's nothing I want more. You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you...

-- Bryan Adams, "(Everything I Do) I do it for you"

Sorry I haven't updated very much in a few days. I just haven't been very inspired to write much lately, but I decided to finally break the silence today. I guess the reason why I haven't been writing very much is because my mind has been on my grandmother for the past few days. This month marks the 1st anniversary of her death. It's hard to believe that the year has passed so quickly and my life has changed so much in these twelve short months since she left us. I suppose I should be proud of my successes this past year, but it hurts to know that the single person I cared for with my entire heart, my entire soul, my entire being is not here with me to share in my triumphs.

Her telephone number has all but faded from my memory and sometimes I pick up the phone and hold it and just wish that I could dial those eleven numbers and hear her voice on the other end, strong as ever, even in illness. I apologize for using this thing, this blog to air my feelings about one so dear to my heart, but I have lost much of my capacity to express emotion over the years, the result of a painful and tragic childhood epitomized by those who would wish to see me fail. So I write, for this is the only way I know how to vocalize the true passion within me that hides beneath the machine that I have become.

My grandmother gave her all for me, she is the only mother I have ever known. For when all others had failed, she was the one who took me in and raised me as her own. I would never have survived if it had not been for her and my grandfather who preceded her in death by three years. My grandmother was a strong woman, she was my guardian, my protector, my shield against those who would wish to see me fail and I thank her for loving me above all others.

My grandparents taught me much about life and I suppose I have learned the values of courtesy, respect and pride from them. My grandmother was a strong woman, she had survived multiple heart attacks, lived with diabetes all her life and still managed to raise five children and me, the "sixth child". I admire her and my grandfather for their strength and perseverance. Though they had very little in the way of material things, their hearts were wide open and they always helped others, good or bad, never counting the costs or seeking payment in return.

In the end, I just want to thank my grandparents for loving me as much as they did and I salute them for raising me the way they did. I agree, life was not perfect, but it could have been much worse without them.

So, on this sad day, I want to remember those that came before me and I thank them all for the contributions that they made to my life. But, especially my grandmother, the one who loved me above all others, I too love you above all others and I will never let the memory of you fade from my heart.

I love you dearly, most sincerely...

Monday, August 02, 2004

Cho R@$$

Well, it's Sunday and I have nothing really to report. Nothing in the news has really raised my ire lately, so today I write to you as Tame Pooch. This weekend was good--got in a good share of going out, staying in, getting rid of boxes and cleaning the residence. I'm pleased to report that I finally figured out how to use the bloody dishwasher...it's amazing how much trouble 6 buttons and two dials can give you know!

Went to my new office at the school on Friday...found out that I'm the youngest professor, ever! Also found out that the people at the school like to gossip (it's a small school, so I guess they have nothing better to do), so I need to watch my guard...it's pretty awesome what you can learn about a place by talking to the secretaries. Well, at any rate, I don't want to be the subject of any damn scandals, so I'll try my best to interact on a limited basis with the people and make my life my business!. Thank God I'm not living in the town itself, I'd be screwed.

Spent Friday night liming and drinking Zima and talking to Dr. D and Yamfoot and the Mad Bull [I think, I was under some serious Zima at that point]. Watched a little TV and retired early--ah, the simple pleasure of being a "man of distinction".

Got the groundwork done for my premiere proposal, so I'm hoping that something might come out of it, doing something with artificial intelligence and expert systems [shhh for now!].

Saw the Manchurian Candidate today and I have to tell you, I loved every moment of it! Denzel Washington was an excellent balance between a neurotic soldier trying to recover from Gulf War Syndrom and other major problems and Meryl Streep was her bichiest and lovliest I'd ever seen her in a film. Overall, I give it two thumbs and two big toes up! If you're only going to see one movie this summer, this is the big one!

Hey, I did find something of moderate interest...imagine a rare white Bengal tiger escaped from a visiting circus in New York City and spent the day roaming around town and causing all sort of chaos.



The tiger, named Apollo, was part of a circus that was visiting the town and I guess he got bored and decided to go sightseeing in the city. Hey, I mean, who can blame the poor animal? I mean, if I was locked up in a cage all day, I'd definately want to go touring the city for a bit. It's only fair I think, after all, I've seen even weirder things in New York than white tigers walking around the city...just look at some of the people and you'll see what I mean.

Anyhow, it's late, and my hands are missng keys, so I think I shall retire for the night.

Good night all!

{arf,arf}