Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Days of Daze

Well, I am here again, sitting around and typing sweet nothings to my little blog. Classes start tomorrow and I have no clue what I'll be teaching as yet, I guess that's what the weekend is for. Money is even worse, since it turns out that my school fees for the summer (stupid research hours too) cost me twice as much as I thought it would and, as a result, I'm now set back by $150. Hmmm, what else? I got turned down for a bank loan again [it's sad, I've lived in the US for 6 years and never tried to spend over my limit, ever....not even one credit card--but now they tell me that I have no credit, therefore I am a risk and I can't get a loan...see the shit you get into just because you want to be debt free! Damn those stupid data mining and risk forecasting algorithms that tell the bank that I'm a bad risk since I have 0 debt]. And to make things even worse, I got my phone bill today and it's not looking pretty. But you know what, I refuse to let stress kill me and I'm not going to start frowning about not having any money, things have to get worse before they get better, so I'll just keep the faith and try to survive until then.

Anyhow, I don't really feel like writing much right now, so I'll probably try to hit up a better post tomorrow...hopefully, I'll know if I can get another loan by then.

{arf,arf}

Monday, June 28, 2004

Our Crazy Rass World

What a crazy Monday it has been thus far! I'd be depressed out of my mind if it wasn't for the little fact that I happen to be Jamaican--we don't get depressed, we just find some fun and jokes to make ourselves feel alright again.

If you really must know what's yanking the Dog's chain, I went to check out the new apartment I'll be moving to and it wasn't exactly what I expected...it was OK, but not great and I needed to get a loan from the bank, but apparently my credit wasn't "mature enough" and my earnings weren't "sufficient enough to offest my loan" but they'd be "happy to provide me with a loan as soon as I started my new job"...rass, I only want a measly $2500 from the bank that I'll pay off as soon as I start working--basically what the lady wanted to tell me was "f*ck off n*gger, you're too black and too poor and we don't want to give you any money for you to take it and buy reefer or crack or anything else you people smoke." I wouldn't feel bad about not getting this loan (the fact is that I am not a citizen, haven't owned a credit card for very long, and my credit rating isn't really that high), but I've known people who've gotten loans from that same bank with even worse credit and a lower income than me...the only thing is they didn't have dark skin. I'm not trying to be the a-typical Afro-American and draw the "race" card, but something is definately up with that, should I be crying "discrimination" or is it just my imagination?

Anyhow, like I said, I'm not trying to think about my impending bankruptcy and all that stuff, so we'll just leave it as is for now. I got an e-mail from my buddy in Florida and, while I'm not really a fan of forwarded mail, I felt that I needed to pass this one on...it's probably an old joke still, but I'm gonna buss it anyway.

The brothel's madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. "May I help you?" asked the madam. "I want Natalie," replied the old man.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie," insisted the old man. Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.

The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.

No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" "I'm from Los Angeles," he replied. "Really?" Natalie said. "I have family living there." "Yes, I know," the old man said. "Your father passed away and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you $3000."



Well, if you don' think that joke was funny, how does this sound for funny. I was watching MTV the other day [yes, I'm still young!] and saw a breaking news story about DMX being arrested for, get this, stealing a car AND impersonating an FBI agent! OK, I happened to read DMX's autopiographhy the other day and in the book he did talk about the days when he used to rob people and steal cars in order to survive, and to have fun as well(this was before he became a multi-million dollar rapper). Well, I guess this latest incident just proves that X is not only a thug, but he's a kleptomaniac as well! My message to DMX: Dawg, you got mad money, mad cars, mad props, plus a wife and a bunch of kids. If you really wanted the damn car why didn't you just buy it? or are you that broke? or maybe you just did it for the thrill of doing it? Well, whatever it was man, grow the hell up--the world is watching you Darkman X.

{arf,arf}

Sunday, June 27, 2004

The Real Deal Superboy

Good morning all my faithful readers, I'm just sitting around at home enjoying my bright and quiet Sunday morning and plotting all the things that need to get done between tomorrow and Wednesday--it's getting to be a lot of stuff, so I believe that I'll need to make a list!

Anyhow, I was surfing MSN this morning and came up with an interesting article about a real live German Superboy. Apparently, the kid was born to a relatively muscular mother (she was a professional sprinter) and has a heritage of very strong relatives on both sides. Well, the kid is not even 4-years-old as yet and he's already capable of lifting and holding 7-pound weights with arms extended (something even regular adults have difficulty doing) and he has twice the muscle mass and half the bodyfat of most kids. Well, it turns out that the kid has a genetic mutation that causes his body not to produce a protein known as Myostatin that has been shown to limit muscle growth.

Now, as you probably figured already, scientists are finding ways to exploit this thing and I believe that it coud be useful for people who have diesases such as muscular dystrophy or who lose muscle mass because of debilitating accidents, illness and so on. While I do agree with doing research on this thing to help those cases, I do not agree with the idea of professional athletes using this type of technology to increase their own physical abilities, I think it's just completely wrong! Athletes are already strong, why would they want to become super strong? It just doesn't make sense! I'm also a bit hesitant to debate about whether or not it should be used to slow the muscle loss experienced as we grow older. In a way, I'd like to think that there is a reason for us to grow old and prolonging the aging process would somehow throw our ecological system off balance...but as a human, I have to say that it doesn't please me very much to think about the prospect of dying, therefore I have to remain neutral on the subject. One thing I will say though is that, while I'm not a doctor and have no clue what Myostatin does for the body, I'd like to believe that it has some purpose and to inhibit it would cause some sort of physical problems later on. Besides, the kid is only 4.5 years old and there is no way to see the long-term results of the body not producing Myostatin.

{arf,arf}

Saturday, June 26, 2004

And In Other News...

Hmmm, is it Saturday already? Gee, I wouldn't notice, because lately all my days seem to be fused together into one long, tortuous epoch. I guess it's the anticipation of knowing that you'll be defending your thesis [and practically your life] in a few days combined with the long wait to receive my paperwork from the government that makes it OK for me to work for pay. In any case, the last few days have been practically dull and monotonous...nothing really worth blogging about. I guess these things will change in a few days as I become increasingly concerned with my final defense preparations, teaching, class prep for the Fall semester and, oh yes, that horrible M word...no, not Marriage, I'm actually talking about Moving. Funny enough, I don't think I'll miss this old apartment complex very much, even though I've lived here almost 6 years now! To the contrary, I'll be really happy to leave downtown Little Big City behind for the comfort of a nicer apartment. Speaking of which, I need to find a bank that will be willing to offer me a loan so that I can pay of my minute [by comparison to most people I know] credit card bills and get ready for the move. So many things to do, and so little time--life can be such a dynamic and wonderful thing at times!

Now, in other news, have you all been paying attention to the latest media buzz about this new movie called Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore that is supposed to provide a very interesting exposé on the reasons for the attacks on America. It is supposed to be a critical, unbiased explanation of why Americans are hated so much and talks about the other motives [i.e. oil, greed, etc.] that served as the impetus for the war we are now waging. Now, the thing is that the movie is banned in some states and I'm not sure if it's coming to mine! I have heard rumors that the film is being showed in a small theater somewhere, but I'm just not sure how far it is from the city I live in. At any rate, I believe this movie will be a true eye-opener and I plan to make every effort to see it! Just a few days since it's release and the movie has definately caused quite a stir, check out this article that totally bashed the movie--I mean, the author basically stated that s#it couldn't be used to describe the film, because the value of s#it would be cheapened! Now, I tell you, does this not sound like a movie that is well worth seeing?

To top of a week of controversy, VP Cheney using the F-word to berate Lehay and then defending the use of the word as well! And, if things couldn't get better, how about this article that tells the woeful tale of Bush being caught on tape in his underwear in Ireland...if this piece of news makes you happy or turned on in anyway, please go check yourself.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Michael Moore is also the director of the controversial flick Bowling for Columbine that devled deeper into the psyche of why shooting crimes, particularly in high schools, have become some prevalent in the American in recent times. The dude really has a lot to say, check out this interview with him that was done late last year by the UK Mirror...trust me, the dude has a heck of a lot to say!

{arf,arf}

Friday, June 25, 2004

Muscles ache, need some sleep, but still writing...

Good morning fellow bloggers, it's about 2:44 AM (that's 1:44 AM Jamaican time) and I really need to sleep, but I also need to post big time! I was surfing the web yesterdat and came up with this article about Colin Farrel's new movie, A Home at The End of The World. It turns out that he did a nude scene [we talking full frontal here] and it had to be cut from the film because his penis created "a stir" at the screening of the flick. Women became over-excited and men became nervous--it must have been one raunchy scene in the movie theater for sure! To make matters worse, Farrel is upset about the scene been cut [apparently he wants all the women to see his package, the slezy little slut!] and is negotiating with the producers to ensure that the scene is included in the DVD.

In other news, I did have the pleasure of linking up Dr. D yesterday on MSN and he and I had a nice long reasoning session, like we knew each other for years. You see, that's the nature of Jamaican men...our culture is so unique in its closeness that it allows people from all walks of life to associate with each other and quickly bond!

Anyhow, I'm going to my bed, so good night to all you folks out there in blog land....sweet dreams and I'll tell you all about my friends moving day tomorrow!

{arf,arf}

Monday, June 21, 2004

As The World Turns

Hot Body Dog
It's another Monday evening ladies and gentlemen and I am having a fine and dandy time just kicking back and relaxing in the confines of my [purposefully] dark apartment. It's amazing how a fast Internet connection can help to ease the boredom of an otherwise dull day...of course, all that is going to change tomorrow as I will begin my regimen of diet, exercise, and novel academic pursuits as inspired by my fellow Jamaican web travellers, Yamfoot and Dr. D. I do intend to get back in shape as the Jamaican public expects to see a lean, mean AngryDog and not the pudgy little poodle that I've become. Yes sir, I will be ripped, shredded, jacked and fat-free. I will get myself into shape to the extent that women will have multiple orgasms by just looking at my chiseled abdominal muscles and rock hard pecs. I will be able to pick up heavy barrels (and girls) with one sweeping motion of my heavily muscled arms. I will refuse to wear T-shirts because my muscular definition is so sharp that it rips T-shirts when I try to put them on.



But seriously folks, don't become like me...when I was home in Jamaica, I was a health nut to the extent that I used to actually make a living training people and, God knows, I was in the best shape of my life in those days! Now I'm just a pudgy little computer hacker who dreams of days of heavy weights and pretty women in spandex suits that called him "instructor"...oh how I miss those tight, hot bodies days.

Mass Murder
Hey, check this out. I was on Fark.com today and found this article about a woman in Greece that killed about 250 pigeons by feeding them with some maize and sesame seeds that she found in her dead uncle's house! Now people, can you imagine 250 dead pigeons? I sure can't! Wonder if this would count as one of the biggest single mass-murder of pigeons in history!!

Bush v. Fidel
In another interesting article, it seems as if Fidel is shaping up against Bush. In an article on Yahoo, Castro is said to have publicly warned Bush that he will not tolerate any form of military action in the form of surgical strikes or wars of attrition against his country. This argument seems to have come in the wake of recent policy that have severely restricted things such as travel, monetary transfers, and educational visits to Cuba.

Now, to tell you the truth people, I would surely not hope to see any form of war between Cuba and the US particularly because it is too close to home for comfort! I mean, lest we forget that Jamaica is a tiny island just a short distance south of Cuba. In fact, if something like this were to happen, the entire Caribbean basin would be looking at some really hard years ahead of us both economically and politically. You see, my thing is that I love the culture and social structure of Cuba, but I'm living in Jamaica and a citizen of the Caribbean as well. From where I stand, I think our entire region would end up with the dirty end of the stick, so I think we all need to join hands and chant "Give Peace a Chance!" cause I'm sure that no one wants to go to war, especially when the US is involved.

Incidentally, if G.W. and Fidel were supposed to fight it out man to man, who do you think would win? Now I know that G.W. would have some pretty decent strategery going into the fight, but lest we not forget that Fidel was a soldier himself and spent many years fighting for Libertad in the jungles of Cuba alongside legendary figures like Che Guevera, so I would think that he would still have some mad skillz. Now, with respect to technology, G.W. would definately have the upper-hand particularly when it comes to weapons of war...but don't underestimated Fidel, cause he fought against some major odds in the days of the revolution still, so technology might not really make a difference here. Now, Fidel is a lotlittle bit older than G.W. so that might be a factor in his performance, however, as the pictures in the article shows, he still looks pretty solid even at his age. Well, I have the odds 2:1 in favor of Fidel, any takers?

{arf,arf}

Sunday, June 20, 2004

The Day After Tomorrow

OK, I tell you what, I have no intention of seeing that movie entitled The Day After Tomorrow...especially not with the weather being as weird as it has been lately! Well, you know me, can't keep my mind off sniffing around the web when I bored! Somewhere along the line I came across the website for the movie. Nothing really exciting, just one of those over-engineered Macromedia Flash sites that had these cryptic symbols that only mean something to you AFTER you've seen the bloody film.

One thing did catch my attention though was some sort of "profile" that they had put up where you could answer a bunch of questions regarding what you would like to do if you knew it was your last day on Earth. It made me curious and I decided to post the questions and my answers to this blog...anyone who's interested in doing the same, please feel free to copy and paste the questions and fill in your answers!

1. Where would you spend your one last day on Earth?
Well, that is a really tough question fi answer still, though I must say that I'd probably spend it in Jamaica kickin it wid mi crew and knocking back rum and coke...oh yeah, can't forget the ribs! Alternatively, I would like to spend the last day making wild and passionate love to the women on my Top 10 List (yes, even Anna Nicole)

2. If you could post to a blog your final message to the world, what would you say?
Hmmm, well again that is another tough question! I would probably want to say something philosophical in my usual poetic style, but come on, is the last day of the world and philosophy doesn't really cut it at this point! So, I guess I'd say two things...1. To all you backstabbers, haters and bastards, I hope you die slowly and painfully! 2. To all the girls I've loved before, I never really loved you, but I just needed to say it so that I could jump your bones...buh bye! [j/k about the second one though!].

3. You'll never have the chance again, what is the most daring thing that you wish you had the guts to do today?
Well, gee, I'm not really an adventerous type of person still...I've never really wanted to jump out of an airplane, go over Viagra....ummm Niagra Falls in a barrel, and I've already driven over 120 m.p.h. Hmmm, what would I do? Well, I think the first thing I'd do is find my old boss and pee on his pants, then I'd like to make love to a beautiful woman, have dinner at an expensive restaurant, dance the Tango with another beautiful woman, then drive an expensive Ferrari [oh, wait scratch that stuff except for the peeing on my old boss...I think Al Pacino already did that in Scent of a Woman], hmmm, I guess I'll have to do like some Jamaicans did during Gilbert--loot store like me a r*ss mad man!

4. We may never know, but what mysteries would you like to solve before the world ended?
Hmmm, I guess I'd really want to know who killed 2Pac and Biggie or if 2Pac is really still alive [you know, the whole Machivelli conspiracy that people have been hinting at for years]. But, more importantly, I would like to know what the hell was the "mystery meat" that they used to serve at Tsang's Fast Food Restaurant on Eastwood Park Road.

5. If you could take one picture on your camera, what picture would you take
Gee, I really don't know what to answer for this question...because I don't own a camera, but I guess if I really had to do it...I would like to take a picture of all my friends and family together one last time. The only problem is that, if it's not a digital camera, then I don't know where I going to get it developed--because I seriously doubt that Photo Express or Color World would be too interested in the One-Hour service thing on the last day of the world.

6. What three songs would you want to take with you?
(a) It wasn't Me -- Shaggy
(b) Dust in the Wind -- Kansas
(c) Wild Gilbert -- Lovindeer

Now, the reason why the majority of the answers for these questions don't sound too serious is because it sorta hard to really answer questions like these, but on top of that, I'm a Jamaican and, by nature, Jamaicans tend to be laid back and take even the most serious of situation and find the humor in it! Hol' dat an gwaan now still!

{arf,arf}

Random Musings of a Lonely Dog

I'd like to start this post of by saying thank you to everyone that actually takes the time out to read this journal of random thoughts that I call a blog. A special thank you goes out to the contingent of Jamaican Bloggers [Dr. D, Madbull and Yamfoot and others who never comment] that are nice enough to indulge in my "brain farts" and leave me insightful [and sometimes downright slack ;)] comments that I enjoy reading...y'all remind me of the unique and colorful nature of Jamaicans!

You know folks, I think that I am long due for a visit home. To be honest, I haven't been home for a year and that was to bury my grandmother, so you done know seh it wasn't under the best of circumstances. OK, you wondering why I'm suddenly sounding so sentimental, right? Well, I guess it started today when I was driving around and listening to some arbitrary radio station. Suddenly, I hear Sean Paul on the radio after listening to Creed and Nickleback [American D.J.s need to learn how to organize the music like <> our Jamaican selectors!]. At any rate, I was groovin' to the Diwali riddim that forms the backbeat for Get Busy [not advisable to do when you're driving on the Interstate at 70+ m.p.h. on a windy day!].

Well, after the song finish, I suddenly hear Britney Spears song Everytime [like I say, some of these American D.J.s have issues] cutting into the Diwali riddim. Now, I don't really care about Britney too much--she's not my favorite artiste and I would certainly not spend any money on her tin can music...matter of fact, I wouldn't even tek di music if it did free! However, I must say that the damn song move me to the point where I shed a tear [shhh, don't seh a word!] How pitiful is that?

After careful analysis, I realize that the song had nothing to do with me shedding a tear...the somber tone of the song was sufficient enough to put my mind in a pensive state where I suddenly became homesick for no apparent reason. I've been in this country for the past six years now and, since then, I've gotten used to the culture, but I just never fit in because I can never be part of a world and a society that I was not born into. On the flip-side, not being in Jamaica for vey long periods of time causes one to lose touch with the country and the subtle caveats that make our lives so rich and exciting. So, in a word, I often feel like a man without a country just existing within the social and political constraints that govern your interaction with others around you, but never feeling quite comfortable.

Over the years, I've met other Jamaicans here and when you ask them the inevitable question of "are you planning to go back to yard after you graduate?" the standard answer is "dat pit? you mussi mad, I woulda neva go back deh even if dem did gimme a million trillion dolla!" The irony of it all is that these people were generally on the track team and had received the bulk of their training in Jamaica and, as such, I could never understand how they could be so harsh and disrespectful to the country that had fed, clothed, educated, and trained them for the 20+ years of their lives! They would do everything to set themselves apart from being Jamaicans...they'd never speak patois, they'd pick up an "African-American" accent [a la Merlene Ottey], they'd dress like African-Americans and become a part of the "struggle". Funny enough, even though they tried so hard to disassociate themselves from the mother land, you'd be so surprised to see how they would pick up their Jamaican heritage when they knew it could get them something or they needed to impress someone! Now, please don't take what I write to mean that ALL Jamaicans that go overseas to study or work become like this small subset of people that I talk about here...In fact, I've also met many other Jamaicans that are as patriotic to the core as the day they were born!

My whole point is that it's hard to keep it real in a world where you can never totally fit in anywhere and that is the point where you have to look at yourself outside of the context of the place that you currently reside in and determine WHO you are, because when we get beyond the smoke and mirrors an asshole in one culture is the same asshole in any other country is; whereas the kind, good nature of a person will easily emanate through the cultural, physical and temporal boundaries. Ironincally, I found this article in the Gleaner today that spoke about the need to have stronger ties between Jamaica and it's overseas nationals, so I guess others are thinking in the same direction as I am, which makes me plenty happy!

I would like to leave you, my valued readers and friends, with my new credo:
"F*ck the critics, slosh the fakers and the haters--100% Pure Jamaican no artificial flavors or additives."

{arf,arf}

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Philosophy of the Brew

Good day folks, It's around 2:08pm and I've just surfaced. Went liming with my friends Jalee and Lacy last night. Let me tell you, I will never ever drink beer again [especially since Dr. D reminded me that it adds to the gut, damages the "beach appearance", and does all manner of other things again--I think I'll just stick to hard liquor from now on]. Anyhow, I realize now that beer loosens my already loose tongue and I become a modern-day Socrates after about 3 glasses of the swill!

So, it was me and two girls sitting down and talking philosophy (note: only Lacy and I were drinking since Jalee is on medication). We talked about everything from culture, ethnicity, to the fact that in Jamaica where homosexuality is only considered to be one level below oral sex.

Now, one of the more interesting discussions that we had was about the whole idea of racism...I mean, it completely pisses me off to think that the whole racial conflict is spurred by the fact that there is about a 2% difference across the human genome that makes us Black, White, Chinese, or Indian--2% people killing each other for only 2% what the hell?? So, we came to the conclusion that the only way to avoid racism is to effectively "breed" it out--or as one of my friends from Africa says: "My chosen calling in life is to make babies with as many nationalities as possible so I can do my part in eradicating the lines of racism". Hmmm...very interesting philosophy, nuh true?

Well, I'm thinking that even though Jamaica is such a culturally diverse land, we still have our own "racial" problems--but I think it has more to do with the shade of one's skin in our case. Growing up, I always used to remember my grandmother telling me that I should never marry a woman that was "too black" because my kids would come out ugly. And you know what, as a little boy I used to buy into that argument and always aspire towards the lighter skin women [Dr. D & Mad Bull nuh bodaa start up di Russian argument again ;)]. However, I think that changed when I met Stephanie--my word, she was the most beautiful girl that I could have ever imagined. Her dark skin was almost like silk to the touch and I tell you she had those big beautiful brown eyes and lips to die for! Well, that in effect ended my fascination with the "browning" and a more general shift toward being an "equal opportunity lover".

Now, my ethnicity is a combination of Indian, Chinese, Black and White and though I am not exactly light-skinned, I tend to be more along the "caramel" lines as most people at home would describe it. Now, looking back at the scenario described above, would I be considered a racist? or even worse, would my grandmother be considered a racist herself? [ironically my grandmother was very dark-skinned]. I mean, is it really possible to discriminate against people who share the same ethnicity as you, but to varying degrees? In fact, if we consider the argument that people originated from Africa and change in skin color was just simply a matter of adaptation to climates then racism itself would be just dumb, since we all have some trace of the mother race in us.

The thing that confuses me even more is that nowadays we as Jamaicans still equate success with skin color. For instance, my aunt who is the managing director of several of Kingstons larger pharmacies, seems to get into weird conflicts with people because of her dark skin tone [coupled with the fact that she is a successful business woman]. I mean imagine a scene where an irate customer curses out one of her staff members and she goes out to find out what the problem is, only to be met by this angry woman demanding to speak to the manager. When my aunt tells her that she is the manager, the woman is shocked for a moment and then demands to speak to HER manager! It just don't make any sense...

At any rate, I finish wid my philosophy lecture today and I can only say that I hope that several generations from now we will successfully eliminate the racial barrier by breeding a culturally diverse set of people--sadly, I fear that it is in the nature of humans to hate and to fear and even if we do eliminate racial and social boundaries, we will still find some reason to discriminate that is even more trivial than this stupid 2%.

{arf,arf}

Thursday, June 17, 2004

The Hoops We Jump Through For a Piece of Paper

Greetings all! I must first apologize for not updating over the past few days [I hope you all missed me!]. You see, I was pushing to write the first draft of my thesis so I was really really busy. Now, from the title of this blog you're probably wondering "a weh di backside a gwaan wid da yute ya?" [tr: what in the world is up with this young man?]. Well, I was talking to the Advisor after I plunked down my 115 page "novel" on his desk this morning and it turns out that I now have to not only worry about preparing to defend my thesis come the 16th of next month [the date moved from the 14 to the 12th and now to the 16th due to conflicts with my committee members' schedules], but I now have to study for every damn class I've taken in Grad school [and believe me, I've taken quite a few in my time!].



So, of course, instead of having a few weeks to myself to do nothing but daydream about sweet nothings and prepare for my job, I now have to spend my time re-living the horrors of classes long since passed! I never did understand why the hell we have to do these things, and now that my time to graduate is here, I still don't understand. Now, in my department we have two options for graduation, you either write a thesis or do a problem report. The thesis is intended to contribute to the body of work in the field, so it has to have some unique research in it. The problem report, on the other hand, is about implementing something practical that doesn't really contribute to the body of research, but looks decent on a resume. Most students opt for the problem report because the standards become extremely high when you do a thesis and your committee expects a lot more out of you, with the benefit that you do two courses less than people who do a problem report.

Well, sadly, I chose a thesis because it seemed like a good thing to do at the time and I was really into writing stuff and doing high-level research and all that coolness. I was also under the impression that I didn't have to do a coursework defense if I chose the thesis option--wrong, bong! As a matter of fact, there is no major difference between the thesis and the problem report defense...you still have to do the coursework defense and all that. In fact, doing the thesis is more stressful because you not only have to convince your committee that you actually took the classes that you took, but you also have to convince them that the work you did was actually significant and could contribute something new to the field...and as far as the advantage of taking two less classes, it doesn't matter--you see, I have to take a certain number (3) classes per semester to maintain my legal status, so I have accumulated more than enough classes to qualify for either thesis or problem report--duh!

Anyhow, I don't mean to make this blog sound like I'm bitchin about school (cause I really do like what I'm doing, I just don't want to study!) but since I haven't slept in the past 24-hours (literally) my brain isn't really in the creative mood of find some interesting tidbit of stuff to talk about. But, fear not, I'll be back with my usual verbal agility come tomorrow!

{arf,arf}

Monday, June 14, 2004

Adventures in Driving an Old Car

A bright and wonderful Monday morning to all my avid readers. Well, as per usual, it is raining in West Virginia and the day is overcast and hot. Ironically, I turned down a job at Amazon.com in Seattle, WA a few months back because I couldn't bear living in a place where it rained practically all the time and look weh happen to me now!



Anyhow, I took my car to the mechanic this morning. She's a 93 Dodge Colt and her name is Mitsy. Now, some of you may recognize this car as a Mitsubishi Mirage (hence the name Mitsy) or an [shudder]Eagle Summit[/shudder]. Well, I've had her for about a year now and she and I have turned quite a few revs--however, she is a very sickly car and every now and then I find myself taking her to the mechan...errr Doctor. Today she's in the shop for a slight Oxygen Sensor infection, nothing too major and I could've taken care of it myself except that the bloody part was $125 and I had no way of resetting the computer anyway.

In the past year my darling car has had a transmission blow out [she's a matic] due to a leak in the radiator. See the way my engine is designed, transmission fluid gets passed into the radiator to cool down and it turns out that there was a crack in the radiator that cause fluid to seep slowly out of the transmission over time, hence resulting in the clutches inside the gearbox overheating and fusing together. In effect, even if the car was in neutral, it still had the ability to move forward. Now, the problem is that reverse was also fused with the rest of the gears, so I couldn't go backwards. Does any of you know how hard it is to parallel park without reverse? if not, ask me!

Aside from not being able to parallel park, I was pretty cool with not having reverse. West Virginia is a hilly state and, more often that not, it wasn't very difficult to find a spot with a slight incline that would allow me to pull the handbrake down and roll out of the spot...that was one of the perks of working at NASA at the time, most of the spots were on a hill and there were very few cars in the complex when I was leaving in the evening. Whenever I went out with my girlfriend, I used to get her to steer the car while I pushed it out of the parking spot.

There were some occassions when I couldn't find a slope to park on and my girlfriend wasn't around to steer, so I had to rely on my strength and agility honed by many years of riding on the Jamaican bus system [circa early-mid 1990s]. The MO was usually to get out and rock the car back and forth till it started to move, hop in as fast as possible and control the car and voila! one car instantly out of a parking spot.

Now, most times than not, the above-mentioned would actually work--however, there were a few occassions when the car almost killed me. The most memorable event was one morning when I had parked in a spot behind my apartment. Well, I woke up and began to push the car and it was fine...until I hit the sharp slope that I had totally forgotten about! Well, I saw car accelarating, I saw lightpost behind car and [gasp]I saw policeman coming up the road[/gasp]. Well, without thinking, I ran into the car, dived through the open door and pulled up the emergency brake right quick! Now, I'm about 5'9" and weigh 200+ lbs on a good day, so can you imagine the sight of someone my size lying with my head on the passenger's seat, my right leg wrapped around the driver's side head rest and my left leg dangling out of the car? Wish I had a camera to capture that moment! Thank God I only ended up with a sore back and nothing more serious!

Now, I don't want to be bad-mouthing Mitsy too much because the truth is that she has never left me stranded anywhere before--she does break down, but whenever the breakdown occurs, she usually takes me as close enough to help as possible! She's never broken down on the Interstate with me, she's nice enough to break down before I hit the freeway! Now, I really love this car, and I must admit that she has cost me a pretty penny here and there, but we get along great and she gets me from Point A to Point B. Sadly, my uncle is insisting that I forget about my beloved Mitsy and buy myself a Honda...I will, because I do like to drive in style in a super-reliable car, but I'll try to hold on to my Mitsy as long as possible--I love you baby...

{arf,arf}

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Angry's Top 10 Hot Mamacita List 2004

Well Ladies and Gentlemen it's that time of the year when AngryDog announces his top 10 candidates for the title of Hottest Mamacita. Due to the recent wave of beautiful women that seems to have propogated throughout the International Community, the competition this year has become even more intense and the judge[s] have had quite a task of deliberating over the final candidates.

At any rate, the candidates for Hottest Mamacita are:

1. Halle Berry. A very versatile female actress who has endured a great deal of personal trauma [Dr. D, I do agree with you, she sweet nuh r*s] but still remains beautiful. She has won an academy award for her role of Leticia Musgrove in Monster's Ball [though we won't hold those twisted sex scenes with Billy Bob against her]. In the opinion of the panel, she's the sexiest Bond girl in many years and she can beat me with that whip anytime as Catwoman.

2. Beyonce Knowles. The Booty-licious lead singer for the pop music group Destiny's Child. Seen alongside Mike Myers in Austin Powers: Goldmember in the role of Foxxy Cleopatra [don't worry Beyonce we won't hold the kiss you and Mike shared at the end of the movie against you, especially because you looked so uncomfortable when you did it!].

3. Jade Fulford. Miss Jamaica World 2003. What can we say about Jade? tall, attractive, smart, attractive, tall...

4. Janet Jackson. Music icon, movie star, exhibitionist, you name it! Made the term "wardrobe malfunction" universal after Justin Timberlake accidentally removed her armor the 2004 Superbowl half-time show [I still believe that P-Diddy and Kid Rock had something to do with the mishap...thank you guys!].

4. Diana Mizota. Most of you might not recognize her, but this stunning Asian beauty played the role of Fook Mi in Austin Powers: Gold Member.

5. Salma Hayek She's played every role from a drug-dealers girl (Traffic) to a cowgirl (Wild Wild West) to a Latina femme fatale (Once Upon a Time in Mexico) to a vampire (From Dusk Til Dawn) to a poor Latina chick knocked up by Chandler (Fools Rush In). She may be a little bit quirky, and definately unpredicatable, but she is still one hot mamacita!

6. Aishwaray Rai. We have to give our Desi girls credit! I mean, Aishwarya is beautiful, talented, and beautiful. From capturing the Miss World title in 1994 to her other media exploits, this blue-green eyed [hmmm] Indian beauty definately has what it takes!

7. Penelope Cruz. Now not because my girlfriend is Spanish do I feel compelled to add Penelope to my list of Hot Mamacitas. On the contrary, I've seen her in movies from Spain (trust me, she's a really good actress, it's just that American films haven't been too kind to her). Yes, we forgive her for her thing with Tom and hope she learns from the errors of her ways...but she is still undeniably a Hot Mamacita!

8. Tia and Tamera Mowry. Who doesn't love twins? Well, Tia and Tamera Mowry both qualify for our competition (be realistic, they look more or less the same anyway!). They're definately hot...still can't beleive they're already 26! They've come a long way since Sister, Sister!

9. Christine Renee Straw. Miss Jamaica Universe 2004. Smart, good-looking and talented. On top of that she's a scuba diver and a country girl! God bless Jamaica!

10. Anna Nicole Smith. Now, most of you are probably wondering what in the world AngryDog was smoking when Anna Nicole Smith gets mention on the Hot Mamacita list of 2004. Hell, most of you might even flat out say that I'm crazy...but, you know what, there is something about Anna (post-trimspa) that appeals to man's feral instinct. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed (in fact, she'd be a hammer) and by no means elegant, graceful or sophisticated, but there's just something about her that makes a dog, especially a Jamaican dog, howl!

{arf,arf}

Friday, June 11, 2004

Too Much Time On My Hands

It's Friday afternoon and I have absolutely nothing to do. It's sad, but since my girlfriend went home to Spain for vacation, I haven't been motivated to do anything very interesting lately. Most of my friends are out of town and I'm too busy waiting on my work permit and my thesis completion to actually go anywhere. Well, in Jamaica there is a saying that the devil finds work for idle hands and this surely seems to be the case with me!

Take for instance my latest "project", doing data mining on the winning lottery numbers in the Jamaica Lottery competition for the past 10 years. I sat down and came up with a simple little PERL script that performs a frequency analysis on all these numbers. You see, my original theory was that the random numbers aren't really that random [I'm guessing there might be a bias in the system toward certain numbers]. Well, that theory proved faulty and I ended up with completely useless results [maybe]. I figure that what I should really try to do is to find the frequency of occurences between each number (for example, how many times in the data do you see the numbers 12 and 32 together in a winning number set)...but that is for another day and another blog...[if anyone is really interested in my little script, just leave me a message and I can give you the source code].

Anyhow, I got frustrated with my data mining example (not saying that I'm totally giving up hope now...I'll try again when I'm smarter and, if I do win, I'll give each of my readers a dollar and a beer), so I decided to look at random stuff on the web. Much coolness, the first site I stumble across is a Russian dating/bride service. And I have to say that some of these women looking very, very fine [anybody know how many stamps it would take to ship a 5'4" 110lb Russian wife to the Caribbean?]. I mean, aside from names like Olga, Helga and Tatsiana I could deal...[side note: Dr. D, mek we save up and send fi two Russian ting no boss? ;)].

Well, after catching my kicks off of hot Russian women, I still found myself dissatisfied with the state of my boredom, so I surfed over to the Honda Tuning Magazine website.

and found a pretty interesting article about an Integra Type R. Now, as most Jamaican car enthusiasts know the car pictured above is a 96 Integra Type R. Not a big deal for most of us, as it happens that there are more of these cars in Jamaica than there are people to drive them! Well, the fact is that this one is in the USA and it is also a right-hand drive! Interesting...so, after reading the article, it turns out that although the States are strict on importing these rides it IS POSSIBLE! Woot!!! so now, I'm trying to figure out what I have to do to get the EVO Lancer that I always wanted!

Well, folks I am a shade tired from the exertion of my busy day, so I think I'm going to end this blog right here and right now. Feel free to drop me a comment or two!

{arf, arf}

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Bizarre Bizarre World

Greetings to all my fans and a special greeting to the Mad Bull crew, especially Dr. D who was nice enough to leave me a comment the other day. Well, I apologize to my loyal readers for not updating as often as I should and I also apologize for the somber note that was left by my last blog. I was under a bit of stress [that's what I get for inadvertently writing two Masters thesisis in one] and I certainly don't mean for my blogs to be mundane and boring! I promise you that from now on my blogs will attempt to make sense out of the ridiculous and ridicule the things that make sense on this bizarre little rock we affectionately call Earth.

I was surfing around on Fark this morning and came across an interesting article that spoke about the construction of a hall of fame for competitive hotdog eaters. Now, tell me friends, you ever hear of something like that in your life? Only in America can a man [or woman] be glorified for his/her ability to consume large quantities of hot dogs in a short period of time!

Now, to make matters worse, this article fired off a couple neurons in [what's left of] my brain and I remember watching the competition once on ESPN!!! Now, when they were interviewing these guys, some of them would tell you how they were highly-trained professional athletes. There were even a story or two of men that had travelled to the far east to eat with the great masters....hot damn, sounds like something out of a Jackie Chan movie if you ask me! But I have to say, the training regimen was really intense!!! I mean, imagine going to a buffet every day and having to wolf down everything in sight? Heaven forbid the days you have to cross-train and EAT DESSERT BEFORE YOU EAT THE MAIN COURSES!. Yes sir, pretty intense indeed. Now, isn't this guy the perfect specimen of a world-class athlete that you'd think about when you hear the word "Olympics"? [note: to sensitive readers, if extremely high resolution pictures of oversized African-American men choking on hot dogs isn't your thing, DO NOT click on the link!].



Apparently, the asians know what they are talking about when it comes to food! The current champion is a 26-year old, 131lb Japanese guy named Takeru Kobayashi who is the current champion and holds the world record for eating 50+ hot dogs [buns and sausages] in 12 minutes!!!The man is so famous that they have even invented a method of eating hot dogs called the Solomon Method.

Now, from what I understand, the Americans were a bit pissed off because they were beaten at eating their national food by an Asian, so they went on a campaign to find the next great eater. Well, I have news for the selection commitee, y'all looking in the wrong place! The next big eater is not in the US or Canada--(s)he's in the Caribbean...more specifically, "Come to Jamaica, Man!" Now, for my Jamaican readers, most of you will know what I mean when I use the term "run boat", but for those of you that don't to "run boat" means to have an informal, outdoor cookout with friends and/or family at short notice. This practice was very popular for us in high school.

Now, back in the day as a student at Jamaica College we used to have our fair share of boats. Now, it seems as if the skinniest guy there could eat the most flour dumplings in the shortest space of time. I mean, I witness this little skinny guy throwing down 12 dumplings in 5 minutes, or less followed by a bottle of soda and some chicken. Now, you tell me, if someone can eat 12+ dumplings and soda then eat a good portion of chicken in less than 12 minutes, you don't think it stand to reason that 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes is not that big of a deal? [note that the dumplings he was eating were not "spinners" and had a radius of about 4 inches and a thickness of 2 inches).

As a matter of fact, the only person I knew that impressed me more than that guy was a girl I was dating for a little bit [the reason why she and I dated only for a short while will become evident as you read on]. I picked this girl up to go watch a movie on a saturday afternoon. Well, she had just got done swimming, and I should've known that I was in for trouble. Well, we went down to the movie theater and she said she was hungry. So, I ordered her 3 Mother's patties and had my three as well. Suffice it to say, the girl had 5 patties and I had one, no problem. Right after that we went into the cinema and started to watch the movie. 45-minutes later..."Angry, mi hungry!" Well, ok, I'm thinking at this time that she had been swimming for a while and had worked up an apettite [as is the case with swimmers]. So I bought us a LARGE bucket of popcorn, two hot dogs, two patties, a coconut water for me, a soada for her, and two Nestle Crunch bars. Well, let's see, I had 1/4 of my coconut water, 1/2 of a patty, a kernel of popcorn (from the LARGE) bucket and a bite from the Crunch bar. Oh yes, did I mention that she's a size 2 dress size?

One sucky movie, 8 patties, a large bucket of popcorn, one soda, one coconut water, and two Nestle Crunch bars later me and said girl were in Half-Way-Tree walking past Burger King when, sure enough, the little voice, "Angry, mi hungry!" That was it, thank God she was going to Spanish Town and the bus stop was right next to Burger King. I put her on a bus, paid the conductor and ran for my life!

Well, as you can see, these are only average people eating--imagine the extraordinary ones! And, as such, this is why I believe the next world class Hot Dog Eating champion is going to come from Jamaica and don't forget that you heard it here first!

{arf, arf}