Monday, June 28, 2004

Our Crazy Rass World

What a crazy Monday it has been thus far! I'd be depressed out of my mind if it wasn't for the little fact that I happen to be Jamaican--we don't get depressed, we just find some fun and jokes to make ourselves feel alright again.

If you really must know what's yanking the Dog's chain, I went to check out the new apartment I'll be moving to and it wasn't exactly what I expected...it was OK, but not great and I needed to get a loan from the bank, but apparently my credit wasn't "mature enough" and my earnings weren't "sufficient enough to offest my loan" but they'd be "happy to provide me with a loan as soon as I started my new job"...rass, I only want a measly $2500 from the bank that I'll pay off as soon as I start working--basically what the lady wanted to tell me was "f*ck off n*gger, you're too black and too poor and we don't want to give you any money for you to take it and buy reefer or crack or anything else you people smoke." I wouldn't feel bad about not getting this loan (the fact is that I am not a citizen, haven't owned a credit card for very long, and my credit rating isn't really that high), but I've known people who've gotten loans from that same bank with even worse credit and a lower income than me...the only thing is they didn't have dark skin. I'm not trying to be the a-typical Afro-American and draw the "race" card, but something is definately up with that, should I be crying "discrimination" or is it just my imagination?

Anyhow, like I said, I'm not trying to think about my impending bankruptcy and all that stuff, so we'll just leave it as is for now. I got an e-mail from my buddy in Florida and, while I'm not really a fan of forwarded mail, I felt that I needed to pass this one on...it's probably an old joke still, but I'm gonna buss it anyway.

The brothel's madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. "May I help you?" asked the madam. "I want Natalie," replied the old man.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie," insisted the old man. Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.

The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.

No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" "I'm from Los Angeles," he replied. "Really?" Natalie said. "I have family living there." "Yes, I know," the old man said. "Your father passed away and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you $3000."



Well, if you don' think that joke was funny, how does this sound for funny. I was watching MTV the other day [yes, I'm still young!] and saw a breaking news story about DMX being arrested for, get this, stealing a car AND impersonating an FBI agent! OK, I happened to read DMX's autopiographhy the other day and in the book he did talk about the days when he used to rob people and steal cars in order to survive, and to have fun as well(this was before he became a multi-million dollar rapper). Well, I guess this latest incident just proves that X is not only a thug, but he's a kleptomaniac as well! My message to DMX: Dawg, you got mad money, mad cars, mad props, plus a wife and a bunch of kids. If you really wanted the damn car why didn't you just buy it? or are you that broke? or maybe you just did it for the thrill of doing it? Well, whatever it was man, grow the hell up--the world is watching you Darkman X.

{arf,arf}

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