Monday, November 14, 2005

Look Out Yard, Here I Come!!!

Yep, purchased my plane ticket this morning (God bless Air-J for giving me a ticket below $400!) and I shall be touching down on the Rock come December 19th! Yes Iya, is a long time I haven't been home (a year, in fact) and I certainly intend to live it up to the max! So all of you who want to link up and do something just holla @ me and lemme know, cause you dun know seh this dog is down for whatever!

Anyhow, I know that it's been a while since my last post, though I'm really glad that I gave y'allz some jokes. Anyhizzle, I unfortunately have no more jokes to give :(...well, except for this one that a friend sent me this morning (according to him, it's a true story):

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he 'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy,and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"



Anyhow, that's my contribution to the blogsphere today, hopefully tomorrow I'll be inspired to come up with a decent post and, God willing that my back stops hurting, I'll be able to sit still long enough to read your blogs!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

LOL--Likkle Fun and Jokes

Waapen People, I like how unnu dis mi and don't even answer the post about the Rib Kage flex for Christmas! Unnu guweh! Anyhow, I have a little joke to share with y'all, something my friend sent me today...happy reading!

DIARY OF A JAMAICAN WHO JUST MOVED TO SOUTH DAKOTA, USA :

October 8th
We have arrived in America!!! Finally!!! This marks a new chapter in
our lives. It's very nice here. It's a little cool, but who needs HOT
weather?
This is perfect, not too hot,not too cold.

October 15th
It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some
sweaters today and went for a short walk. Loving America!!! This is what
life's about.

October 30th
The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so
cold air cannot creep in... Outside may be cold, but it feels like Jamaica
in this house.

November 11th
The news reports say snow is on the way... we cannot wait!!! We have
never seen snow and it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first
time.

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we
have ever seen. The wife cooked buttered buns and we sat by the window
watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the
ground. Could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL
SIGHT!!!

November 15th
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the
landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a
beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did
both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snow plow came along and
accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the
street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again.
Americans are so friendly!

November 18th

It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature
has dropped to around four degrees. The cold weather is not so bad... we
can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees
and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our
driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plow came by and did his trick
again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

November 19th

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice
again. Bought snow tires for both cars. slipped and fell on my "batty" in the
driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken.
More snow and ice expected

November 20th
Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to
work.

November 21st
On my way to work, the 4x4 skidded into the guardrail and did
considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white
s@!! last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in
store for me today. Di damn snowplow man do him job again. Watch me an' him!

November 22nd
Blouse and skirt... the first heating bill just come! A how the hell it
come to so much???

November 30th
A two frigging degrees out a door! And more rahtid snow deh pon di way.
Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage. Di power off mos ah di
night.

Wi a try fi keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater,
but the heater tip over an' nearly bun dung the rassclath house. Mi manage
fi put out di flames, but end up wid second degree burns pan mi hands,
bun off mi yeyebrow and yeyelash dem. Den di car slide on the white s@!%%
(again!) on the way to the hospital and wi haffi write i off.

December 5th
Rahtid... dis snow yah nuh out fi stop??? Di ting keep on a come dung! Mi
affi put on all a di clothes wey mi own just fi go out a di damn mailbox.
If I ever catch the bitch wey drive di rahtid snow-plow yuh see, I gwine mek
him mumma feel it. Mi really tink sey 'im hide round di corner and wait
'til me finish shovel, den come down the street fast fast and cover up wi
driveway again. Wicked nuh blow wow!!!

December 10th
Di power still off. Di toilette freeze up!, and some part a di roof
look like it out fi cave in.

December 15th
Eleven more bomboclaath inches a snow an'ice!!!!!!!!!! Jah know...dis
no right. Mi wounded di snowplow wid di pick ax,but di driva get weh.

December 16th
Mi wife tek off and left mi.

December 18th
Di rass car won't start and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind. Mi caan feel
mi toe dem and mi nuh see the booldclaath sun fi weeks!!!! An' guess wha?
The weatherman ah predict more snow!!!! Good fi rass him. Di wind chill is 30
pussyclaath degrees below zero!!

December 22nd
Mi a move go back ah Jamaica teday 'cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!!If
mi can ketch a flight, at least mi will reach just in time fi Christmas
dung a yard. 'Merica a nuh fi everybody!!!!


Bwoy, I can certainly relate to the poor rude bwoy! I know how he feels :)