LOL--Likkle Fun and Jokes

Waapen People, I like how unnu dis mi and don't even answer the post about the Rib Kage flex for Christmas! Unnu guweh! Anyhow, I have a little joke to share with y'all, something my friend sent me today...happy reading!

DIARY OF A JAMAICAN WHO JUST MOVED TO SOUTH DAKOTA, USA :

October 8th
We have arrived in America!!! Finally!!! This marks a new chapter in
our lives. It's very nice here. It's a little cool, but who needs HOT
weather?
This is perfect, not too hot,not too cold.

October 15th
It is getting a little cooler, but we are adjusting. We bought some
sweaters today and went for a short walk. Loving America!!! This is what
life's about.

October 30th
The weather is definitely cooler now. We taped all the windows shut, so
cold air cannot creep in... Outside may be cold, but it feels like Jamaica
in this house.

November 11th
The news reports say snow is on the way... we cannot wait!!! We have
never seen snow and it should be pretty exciting to see it for the first
time.

November 14th
Started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we
have ever seen. The wife cooked buttered buns and we sat by the window
watching soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the
ground. Could never do anything like this in Jamaica. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL
SIGHT!!!

November 15th
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the
landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered like a
beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. I did
both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snow plow came along and
accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the
street. The driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shoveled again.
Americans are so friendly!

November 18th

It snowed an additional twelve inches last night and the temperature
has dropped to around four degrees. The cold weather is not so bad... we
can take this, not at all as bad as we imagined. Several limbs on the trees
and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our
driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plow came by and did his trick
again. Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

November 19th

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice
again. Bought snow tires for both cars. slipped and fell on my "batty" in the
driveway, paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing was broken.
More snow and ice expected

November 20th
Still cold. Sold my wife's BMW and bought a 4x4 in order to get to
work.

November 21st
On my way to work, the 4x4 skidded into the guardrail and did
considerable damage to the right fender. We had another 15 inches of white
s@!! last night. The vehicle is covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in
store for me today. Di damn snowplow man do him job again. Watch me an' him!

November 22nd
Blouse and skirt... the first heating bill just come! A how the hell it
come to so much???

November 30th
A two frigging degrees out a door! And more rahtid snow deh pon di way.
Not a tree or shrub ina di yawd whe no get damage. Di power off mos ah di
night.

Wi a try fi keep from freezing to death wid candles and kerosene heater,
but the heater tip over an' nearly bun dung the rassclath house. Mi manage
fi put out di flames, but end up wid second degree burns pan mi hands,
bun off mi yeyebrow and yeyelash dem. Den di car slide on the white s@!%%
(again!) on the way to the hospital and wi haffi write i off.

December 5th
Rahtid... dis snow yah nuh out fi stop??? Di ting keep on a come dung! Mi
affi put on all a di clothes wey mi own just fi go out a di damn mailbox.
If I ever catch the bitch wey drive di rahtid snow-plow yuh see, I gwine mek
him mumma feel it. Mi really tink sey 'im hide round di corner and wait
'til me finish shovel, den come down the street fast fast and cover up wi
driveway again. Wicked nuh blow wow!!!

December 10th
Di power still off. Di toilette freeze up!, and some part a di roof
look like it out fi cave in.

December 15th
Eleven more bomboclaath inches a snow an'ice!!!!!!!!!! Jah know...dis
no right. Mi wounded di snowplow wid di pick ax,but di driva get weh.

December 16th
Mi wife tek off and left mi.

December 18th
Di rass car won't start and mi tink mi ah go snow-blind. Mi caan feel
mi toe dem and mi nuh see the booldclaath sun fi weeks!!!! An' guess wha?
The weatherman ah predict more snow!!!! Good fi rass him. Di wind chill is 30
pussyclaath degrees below zero!!

December 22nd
Mi a move go back ah Jamaica teday 'cause dis place yah a go kill mi!!!!If
mi can ketch a flight, at least mi will reach just in time fi Christmas
dung a yard. 'Merica a nuh fi everybody!!!!


Bwoy, I can certainly relate to the poor rude bwoy! I know how he feels :)

Comments

dorna! said…
"Mi wounded di snowplow wid di pick ax,but di driva get weh."

ROFLMAO

Oh I so wanted to do that. Those snowplow drivers are the most sadistic bastards on the face of the planet.
Angry Dog said…
Agree with you 100% bout the snowplow man dem Dorna! Wicked set of people for real!
Tooomz said…
Enjoyed the story :D So what's the status on your writings?
Rev Island said…
Yes - wicked - I had seen it before but still a laugh.
Unknown said…
lol! dat one is always funny, read it before, but still funny.
Anonymous said…
First time for me...Very funny..I almost died laughing..I so can relate.
Anonymous said…
I do like this, thanks! My brother is bringing a Island gal to Canada in 2006. I'm saving all my sweaters, extra mitts...ect....for her. She can't wait to see and feel a Canadian winter :-) I prefer the warmer climates myself.
Mad Bull said…
Bwoy, I was laughing so hard I got into a coughing fit and I nearly died! Angry Dawg, I am going to sue!
Oh, and I answered your post about Ribcage!
De Immigrant said…
Dat funny nuh rass!! Haven't laughed so hard in a while. I lived in the mid-west for a year so I can FULLY identify!!
CoolDestiny said…
This was a good start to my Saturday morning. Had me laughing very hard. I'm sure the people down the street heard me ... good one.
Camille said…
:-) yea - had me stitches again too - this one will never be stale... wicked one!!

Thx AD - brightened my day.

I have seen snow - once. Got some 8-12 inches (over sumn like 12 hours) in NYC in 2002 or thereabouts and I was there to see it... I rather liked it actually, but could see myself getting VERY annoyed with it VERY soon if I had to live with it over months.
Rev Island said…
AD,

Bloggage, please.
-_- said…
LOL... I heard this story in a white man's voice... with a pretty tragic end (the man ends up going insane and in a mental hospital)... many variations of the same story.