Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!

In this season of peace and happiness, think on this: in our world today it seems as if it is sometimes easier to pull a trigger and end a life than it is to put a smile on someone's face and brighten a life. Why should the insanity of crime, violence, and war become the norm? What do we really gain from killing each other for material objects or because someone in "power" told us to do so? Nothing! Life is short and death is inevitable, so why rush into the afterlife? Remember that the wrong that we do and the power that we crave will fade like dust in the wind, but our good deeds will endure for generations to come.

Let not this age be remembered by those who will come after us as an age where killers of the innocent and ravagers of the weak reigned terror upon the world. Lest we forget that we are a noble race, the chosen people of God himself, pursuers of love and harmony! After all, is it not the ability to be humane the thing that sets us apart from the beasts of the earth?

Let's all work together to make 2005 a year of peace and happiness. Put down the weapons, end the useless bloodshed, and lets all work together to make this world of ours a better place!

With warmest wishes for a bright and merry Christmas to all readers. Let peace and love prevail!

{nuff said}

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I'm a leavin' on a jet plane!!!

Howdy folks,

The countdown has begun! Two more days until I arrive in warm, beautiful Jamaica! I'm actually excited about the visit, since it means that I'll finally be able to put faces and voices to blogs! Looking forward to liming with Yammie, Scratchie, Princess P, and Dr. D. Anyone else want to join the dog and company for a V/X more than welcome to you know!

Bwoy, readers, what a R.A.S.S. of a week I had! Had to finish grading exams for all four of my classes, submitting grades, getting paperwork done for next semester, authoring new syllabi, sending all sorts of greeting cards, plus the last minute run-round thing that is characteristic of taking a vacation! Oh well, c'est la vie, and it's all a part of the game.

Pebbles flies out to España tomorrow, and I head out to the Rock on Monday. I'll be in Pittsburgh tomorrow, since a snow storm is expected to come into the area on Monday, so I don't want the person giving me a ride to the airport to risk her life jus' so the Dog can get to Jamaica!! So, I going bounce it in a Motel 6 tomorrow still. Stayed there a few times before still, not a bad location @ all! Anyhow friends and countrymen, Pebbles and I are having a few guests over tonight for our pre-Christmas gala, so I haffi cut this one short.

Again, I apologize for not having the time to check unnu posts this week, but as I said before the work pressure hol' me good and proper! Anyhow, I shall be blogging quite a bit from the mother-kennel still, so fret not thyselves (for those of unnu dat tek the time to read my crap!).

Anyhow, me gone! Catch y'all on the flipside of 2005! Alright, I just wanted to say that from now, cause that's my slogan for this new years and by posting it here first, I have the copyright on it! (maybe)

{arf,arf}

Monday, December 13, 2004

Kiss Mi RA$$ is Monday Already?

Bwoy, where has the weekend gone? Imagine, first it was Friday, now it is Monday! And can you believe that I've only seen my house for about 8 hours this weekend? Man, Friday night I had a nice little lime (hang out) with some guys from my the old Computer Science department. A few of them had graduated with their Masters degrees, so we had a nice little evening at Applebees. Got there late because I didn't get done with work until about 6:45pm to raatid! As soon as I reach I am presented with a huge drink in something that can only be described as a fishbowl. The drink was Listerene blue and had about 4 straws, each with a cherry on it. On top of that, there was everything on the glass from strawberry to pineapple, not to mention the 5 swords! That was my punishment for being late, rasta! Hell, if they going do that all the time, what motivation will there be for me to arrive on time ever again? ;). Anyhow, Pebbles was out at another bar living it up with her classmates, so she didn't get home till late...not to fret, I was 10 minutes behind her, having spent an entire 5 hours liming with the boys.

Now, the next thing I know, Saturday morning is up on us and I find myself in an automobile travelling toward Pittsburgh, PA going to a mall. Man, it was cold as arse and then it even started to snow!! You done know that this Jamaican Dog don't do snow already, so I man did vex! Well, vex or not, Pebbles and I shopped for about 7 hours or more, at the end of which I found myself with 4 pairs of pants and $56 less in my account. People, I need to definately go on a serious diet and exercise regimen! 6 years ago I was crying because my size 32 waist was too big, now I'm a size 44....a 1 foot gain in my waist! And the worst thing is that if I was just a little bit more than a 44 I would be screwed big time, since most of the stores didn't have anything above 44! Well, I guess it's time to dose up on the Vit. S. and burn that gut away!

Well, I stumble into Sunday and find myself doing laundry because my friends were graduating today and I had not one stitch of clothing (except for the brand new pants that I had bought the day before) to wear. Finish laundry just in time to go to the ceremony and see my friends walk, somehow I wish I had walked as well, since my fellow CS graduates seemed to be having a blast at the ceremony still! Anyhow, it's a Monday morning and I have things to do. It's finals week, so I have to finish grading final exams and submit my grades to the powers that be, then its off to vacation in beautiful, sunny JAMAICA! Dr. D. Princess P. Yammie Scratchie (yikes, unnu names rhyme!), beware, for the dog has a new leash on life and anything and everything is guaranteed to happen when the dog is in town!

For the rest of you, please don't be shy and be sure to pay the toll (i.e. drop a comment in the box), because one of the most fulfilling things of a wannabe writer's life is knowing that his/her words don't fall on deaf ears. Remember friends, my blog isn't just for me, it's for y'all to come and enjoy as well! So, keep reading, keep writing, but above all else, just have a great time!!!

{arf,arf}

Friday, December 10, 2004

Friziday Bizliss!

Yee haw it's Friziday to Rizass! (Sorry, I was listening to Snoop Dogg on my way in to work this morning fo' shizzle!), but somehow I just don't think that Jamaican slang actually works too well when you try to give it a Snoop Dogg flavor! Anyhow, it's Friday and I really don't have too much to say. Final exams are next week and I have a bunch of things to do before then, but come Wednesday mi done! Thanks for all the feedback on my latest story--give me some negative feedback too you know...I need to know what I'm doing wrong yallz!

Anyhow, as I have nothing much to say this morning, I shall leave you with a little joke my dad sent my a while back:


Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000'"

The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"


{arf,arf}

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Storytime!

Alright folks, sorry about the late post this morning still. As it turns out I didn't get my office cleaned yesterday...don't get me wrong still, I got a really good amount of cleaning done, it's just that I have these R.A.S.S. research papers to sort and punch and put in folders. Now, I must say that you all are a bunch of slackers you know! Imagine of all the beautiful things I said in yesterday's post the only thing that you all picked out of it was Porn and Programming!! Slackers! :D

Anyhow, as stated yesterday I'm gonna give y'all a likkle story to read still. It's called Telephone Lovers (no, I not talking about phone sex Dr. D. Mad Bull, JDid, Stu and Scratchie!!!). It's a story about young love and all that stuff--and it's not fodder for a chick flick either! (though it wouldn't be too bad of an idea still). Anyhow, let me stop rambling like an idiot and present you with my latest creation: Telephone Lovers. (Note: it's not edited as yet, so it might seem a bit choppy...I'll edit it when I get the book deal!).

{arf,arf}

Telephone Lovers


When I was a wee lad of about 14 or so, I fell into a sordid love affair that cost my family quite a bit of heartache and stress, not to mention quite a bit of money. You see, this love affair was not of the normal sort. You know the normal sort of love affairs that I mean, right? Boy and girl meet at some social event, mutual attraction develops, phone numbers are exchanged, calls are made and movie dates are arranged. If everything goes well, kisses are swapped and pledges of eternal love are made, and then broken after a few weeks when the next hot item comes into picture. Nope, I was just a bit too unconventional for that sort of romance headache, so I had to find alternative ways of meeting girls. Nowadays, kids can hop on the Internet and find millions of potential suitors, but in my day the Internet and the World Wide Web weren’t very popular or accessible to average folks. Therefore, out of sheer necessity, the vehicle for my vicarious romantic escapades became the telephone!

The telephone was the perfect device for quasi-romantic interaction. Because you had little or no knowledge of the physical attributes of the person on the other end, you weren’t confined to basing your opinion of the person solely on their physical attributes and you were in fact able to mask your own physical insecurities and be more at ease with the flow of the conversation. On the other hand, the fact that you were unable to see the person you were talking to made it quite difficult to gauge how well the interaction was going, since you really weren’t able to see their facial expressions, though sometimes if you were astute enough, you could actually tell how well you were doing based on the tone of the person’s voice. Unfortunately this didn’t work in all cases, since many folks were really good at hiding emotion behind their voice. Sometimes the telephone could sometimes become much more expensive than going on an actual date, particularly since the evil telephone company used to charge both parties regardless of who had called who. Oh well, perfect or not, the telephone was a very useful tool for helping me through those lonely, awkward adolescent years.

Now, getting phone numbers was not a very difficult task in those days, in fact it was the easiest thing in the world if you had the right contacts. I was blessed (and cursed) with the good fortune of having friends who were self-proclaimed “ladies men” and, as such, telephone numbers for girls that were interesting but “less than their standards” were in abundant supply. So, if one was willing to swallow his pride and try for a girl that his friends had deemed as below par, one could have a very happy and healthy romance life. I am not ashamed to admit that I swallowed my pride on many occasions and was rewarded with stimulating conversations with quite a few sweet, intellectual young ladies. In fact, most of them were either too sweet or too bright for a shy dimwit such as myself to ever handle in real life. No wonder my crass, boorish friends weren’t interested in these women! I never met any of these girls in person, nor did I really care to. I suppose it was partially because I was shy, but I think it had more to do with the fact that I grew weary of telling girls I’ve never seen that I loved and cared for them or trying to keep up with them as they mentally solved 4th order quadratic equations that were about three or four levels above my mathematical abilities. My activities could be considered mundane by general standards, but most adults simply chalked it up to youthful exuberance and good, wholesome fun. Well, it was all good fun and a great way to interact with other teenagers, but all that changed when I met Raquel.

My friend, Booker, gave me her telephone number and told me that she was really nice and extremely pretty (a mixture of Latina and Indian he said), but her parents were extremely protective of her and she was rarely let out of the house to go anywhere and he simply couldn’t date a girl he could never see. Well, taking his advice, I went home and immediately dialed her telephone number. I could hear my heart beating in my ears and I felt a tingling sensation down the back of my spine. I always felt this way when I was nervous. After about four rings a soft, musical voice came on the other end and said “Hello, Rodriguez residence.” “Hi, may I please speak to Raquel?” was my nervous reply. “This is Raquel, who is this?” I quickly gave her my name and explained that I had gotten her telephone number from a friend of mine at school. Of course, I had not considered the fact that maybe she wouldn’t have taken too kindly to having her phone number distributed to strangers and I suddenly felt a nervous sensation in the pit of my stomach. To my surprise, she was very open and seemed genuinely excited to hear from me. In fact, we hit it off so well that we ended up talking for more than five hours that afternoon. She was just the right blend of sweetness and intelligence that I had been looking for. She was nice, but didn’t expect me to tell her that I loved her and she was really smart, but never undermined my intelligence. From then on, Raquel and I spoke on the telephone for at least six hours every day. We sometimes called each other multiple times during the evening because someone on one of our sides had to use the telephone or we had chores that needed taking care of. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, yet Raquel and I still spoke to each other with the same frequency and intensity. Looking back now, I find it amazing that we both managed to find such diverse topics to discuss on a daily basis!

As the months passed, my family became more and more concerned about my seemingly utter devotion to a girl I’d never met. They told me time after time that the lengthy telephone conversations were getting out of hand and I had become negligent of everything, including my schoolwork and my friends. In addition, they became extremely worried about the thousands of dollars I was accumulating each month as a result of my phone calls. In fact, my uncle showed me a 10-page bill that had Raquel’s number listed over 100 times. I knew that I was addicted, but the girl was just too sweet for me to give up. Raquel was my drug.

Raquel told me that her family was complaining about the same things as well and they had even told her that she needed to get a job to pay for the bill. Finally, we decided that the unfair pressure that our parents were placing on us was simply too much to bear and we decided that we needed to meet face to face instead of talking on the phone. So, one day we arranged to meet at Mothers on Constant Spring road after school. I arrived about an hour early for the meeting and drank a large bottle of water to calm my nerves. Finally, the appointed time came and I saw a tall, beautiful girl that had just the right proportions of Indian and Latina to give her an exotic appearance. In all my years I had never seen a girl that looked as lovely in the gray and burgundy St. Andrews uniform as Raquel did. She came up to me and said, “Are you Devon?” to which I replied, “Yes, and you must be Raquel.” She smiled and we walked toward an empty booth and sat down across from each other. Five minutes passed, then ten, and neither of us said a word to each other. Finally, after fifteen minutes of silence, I said to her “this isn’t working is it?” and she replied, “No, not really, you sounded a lot better looking on the telephone.” We made several futile attempts at finding some conversation, but to no avail. Finally we stood up to leave and she hugged me briefly, not the genuine “glad to have met you” type of hug, it was more along the lines of what we boys liked to call a “mercy hug”. And so Raquel and I parted company, she hopped on to a number 22 bus toward Harbor View and I found my way to the number 70 and 75 bus terminus.

Raquel and I never spoke again since the day we met face to face, but I see her from time to time in television ads and the occasional billboard. She’s a famous Pulse model now, one of Kingsley Cooper’s top models as a matter of fact. I, on the other hand, have settled into a life of mediocrity and earn my keep as a computer programmer for ScotiaBank. I suppose that physically we were never a match, but for those few months that we were telephone lovers I will always remember with a smile. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out had we had the same chemistry in person that we did on the telephone, but some things are better off being left as unresolved. After all, isn’t mystery the thing that adds intrigue and adventure to our otherwise monotonous lives?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

So today I'm cleanin' up my office!

OK folks, don't fret unnuself, di dog is quite alright. Much respect to all of you for commenting on my last post still, sometimes the dog just get a likkle bit poetic in him old age...I suppose that comes with not being able to express my emotions verbally, anyhow is life and we live it the best we can! BTW Princess P, Dr. D, Yammie, et. al. I will be making up for the emotional distress caused by the post with not one, but two, rounds of alkyhal at the Quad!

Anyhow, back to the title of this post about cleaning out my office. You know, when I started working here a few short months ago, I was an absolute minimalist. Unfortunately, I soon discovered one of the major perks of working in academia--free books from publishers! Hot dog, I tell you, I order almost two dozen book already! Of course they're all related to computer science, I have to look the part you know! Besides, I think I would be frowned upon by my fellow faculty members if the books on my shelf ranged from Anne Rice to William Gibson as opposed to such exciting titles such as "Discrete Math for Dummies", "Database System Concepts", "Porn and Programming", just to name a few. Anyways, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, yesterday was the departmental lunch/meeting/gift exchange. Lunch was excellent, the meeting had only one topic, and the gift exchange was great! It turns out that I had gotten just what I had asked for: pens, pencils, binders, and a paper punch (of course my girlfriend Pebbles couldn't help laughing at my practical sense when it came to requesting gifts).

Well, now that I have all this cool stuff, I'm now prepared to launch an attack on my office that has become soemwhat of a pigsty (no offence Piggy!) since receiving all these textbooks plus all the papers and assignments I've given over the semester. Now, my goal is that I intend to have everything sorted and cleaned in the next 4 hours, so wish me luck! Don't feel too bad if I don't visit unnu blogs and drop some comments until later this evening, as you can clearly see I'll be busy. In fact, I'll even make it up to you by linking the latest story I've written later tonight or tomorrow! Hopefully it should bring back a few memories, particulalry for those of you that were subjected to an all-boys type of high school! Anyhow, me gone go clean, but please make sure to pay the toll for visiting my site (i.e. leave me a comment!).

{arf,arf}

Monday, December 06, 2004

This Old House

I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone.
All my dreams pass before my eyes in curiosity.
Dust in the wind.All they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song.
Just a drop of water in an endless sea.
All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see.
Dust in the wind.
All we are is dust in the wind.
                 Kansas - Dust in the Wind


After working out last night, Pebbles and I spent a few quality hours together watching television, playing Connect Four, and chatting about random things that caught our fancy. After a while, I went to the computer and started looking up old songs from the 80's and 90's on Launch. I found this one song entitled "Dust in the Wind" by a group called Kansas. Now, this song is a ballad of sorts, but something in the words reminds me a lot of my own life. I can relate to Dr. D. when he did his post entitled Too Many Missing... and this song does an exceptionally good job of expressing my feelings on the subject.

Life is just a finite set of epochs that fade before us like dust in the wind and I've learned a long time ago that the good times never really last forever and those that we love will not always be there to share in our happiness, so we must live for the moment and treasure those we care about, while we can. After all, as the song says, "nothing lasts forever but the earth and the sky". This Christmas, I'm going home to a dark, empty house...a house that once held many beautiful memories and days and nights of sheer bliss. The laughter has long since faded from the walls of this old house, those that once lived their have either moved on to the afterlife or have scattered themselves to the four corners of the world. Her paint has long ago faded and the once well-groomed garden now sits barren and unloved.

When did the good times disappear? when did I lose touch with those whom I loved most passionately? Perhaps it was another lifetime, another epoch, or perhaps we are just different people now than we were then. So, now I go back to the shell of what used to be my sanctuary, to spend my first Christmas with my father and his family. Will I be welcomed with open arms? or will I simply be shunned like I was in another time? Will my siblings recognize me and love me as their own? or will they see me as a distant stranger whom they must call "brother" for sake of courtesy? These things I do not know, but can only hope and pray for the best this Christmas.

To all of you out there, remember that the ones closest to you will not be there forever and the good times will pass by in the blink of an eye, so make sure that when you love, you love with all your heart and never hold anything back...for you may one day regret telling that person who's right next to you how much you love them and they will have faded like dust in the wind...

Dedicado a la memoria de mis abuelos que pasaron a mejor vida


{nuff said}

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Santa Clause, Do You Ever Come to the Ghetto?

Howdy y'all. Remember the words to that song made popular by Carlene Davis in the 80s? For some reason, I woke up this morning thinking about the words to that song and it sort of put me into a little mood still--not a bad mood at all, just a pensive one. The question for this week is how can I help out people who are less fortunate than myself? Well, for starters, my school has a little program called Toys for Tots, where they collect toys for underpriviliged kids in the community, so I think I'm going to contribute something to that effort still. Probably be more liberal with the contributions to the Salvation Army representatives posting outside of the stores. Somehow that just doesn't seem to be enough! Somehow I think that I need to put myself out there a little bit more and becoming a more charitable Dog!

Anyhow, I'd like to take this opportunity to big up the newest blogger in our crew, a lady that goes by the name of Melody (a.k.a. Piggy), another transplanted Yardie. Now, most of unnu probably visit her site already still, but as is the tradition with the crew when a new blogger enters our world, another member generally give dem a shoutout! So, for those of unnu dat don't visit the Piggy's blog yet, be sure to check her out at http://kissdepig.blogspot.com, cause trust me, this girl no how fi mek people laugh still! Anyhow, mi nah kiss di pig still, cause bad dog nuh nyam pork!

Hey, Cooldestiny was talking about liking ads the other day and it just reminded me of two ads that I found earlier this year. I had some time this week, since JDid done gone mash up mi Stick Cricket game wid all di playing him mussi playing out di something, so I looked up the links to the ads and put them here for your viewing pleasure.

The first one is called Cog and it was done by Honda for the British market, you can check it out at http://www.ebaumsworld.com/honda-ad.html

The second one is called Del Pita Del and it comes all the way from Spain. Pebbles introduced me to it. Now, if you're familiar with the Indian Bollywood concept and you know how their movies tend to be overly dramatic with elaborate costumes and singing/dance routines, you'll understand the humor of this video (oh yeah, being able to speak a little spanish is also a pre-requisite :)).

You can download the video from http://www.cocacola.es/microsites/pita/pita.htm

Anyhow, y'all have fun and enjoy the rest of your Sunday, I know I will!

{arf,arf}

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Tis beginning to look like Christmas

G'morning folks! I must again apologize for the lack of updates, this week has been pretty hectic as I've been trying to get all my grading done and preparing a presentation to try to get some grant money for a new faculty initiative. Suffice it to say the presentation went well, but I've opened up an entirely new can of worms and, as a result, I must make my presentation to three more committees sometime in January. Oh well, I don't blame them, after all I did go in to a meeting and say "hey, let's start a brand new curriculum!" when they've been saying for the past few years "hey, let's cull some of our useless programs!" Beauracracy is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Anyhow, on a lighter note, Christmas soon come and the warm weather beating down on my naked back and shoulders will be quite delightful. To all y'all that have to suffer from the cold weather, my heart goes out to you! Dr. D, I certainly will be looking forward to linking you. Yammie and Princess P, hoping to see y'all as well! Maggie, I'd love to throw you in my suitcase, but the fact that the US customs officers are now allowed to search my suitcase without me being present and without my permission, I'm afraid they might steal you! Sunshine, I think the server that I store my pictures on at work was temporarily disconnected (the bastards at work I tell you!), but I'll let you know in a few days when its back up so you can see them. Ciya, I going send you a plane ticket I'd love to send you and Popsy a plane ticket to yawd fi di Chrismus, but I don't win the big one yet! Someday soon I'll crack the lotto code and become a billionaire *insert diabolical laughter here*. Stu, shame, shame, shame, of course I had to go watch Bridgette Jones 2 because of my girlfriend. Do you think that I, a red blooded Jamaican male, would really take up myself to go watch a chick flick (which was pretty funny btw) on my own steam?

Hey to my Canadian readers, did people really go out and protest Bush's policies when he visited the other day? If so, how did it go, if not, why?

Now, as y'all might gather from this post, I really don't have that much going on right now, but I have a confession to make: You see, it's not that I was too busy to update my blog, but I've been spending my blogtime playing cricket online! Yes man, the game alright still. If you want to check it out, go to http://www.stickcricket.com and give it a try. Heck, they even have the West Indies lineup! Dr. D. I know you are not much of a cricketer still, but even this might work for you. Yammie, you bruck you ducks yet?

Anyhow, me gone do di 3 S ting and go work, so if anything we will link inna di lataz! Bless it up nuh!

{arf,arf}