Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The Law of X

In mathematics, X is generally used to represent the unknown variable. I believe that human life is anologus to finding the unknown variable in algebra. X represents the single, most important element in life that each person needs to find in order to understand their purpose for being here. Very few people are capable of finding X quickly, while others spend an entire lifetime looking for X and, when they do find it, they never realize it. No people ever have the same X, because all people are different and we know that even a slight change in an equation can lead to a completely different solution.

One of the most troublesome things about finding one's X is the fact that your journey can be interfered with by outside entities. These entities generally include people, time, cultural beliefs, and so on. In my journey, I've found that one of the biggest distractors for me is the fact that, for a time, I was surrounded by negative people. These people slandered me in the worst kind of ways, and made me feel like I was worth nothing.

Coupling feelings of doubt with low self-esteem leads to very dire consequences. After all these events occured, I found myself unable to function socially. I was afraid to go places for fear of seeing people that had no good intentions for me, afraid to talk to people for fear that they might find more things to talk about behind my back, and so on.

So, the solution for me was simple, I needed to keep my distance from people in general. Except for the few close friends that I have now, people do not need to know the intimate details of my life. Why bother to give them more things to talk about? Good or bad, they'll still find something bad to say anyway.

Another issue that I encountered in my search for X is the fact that my cultural background sometimes made me more pre-disposed to certain mannerisms, attitudes, and behaviors, as a result I was often distracted because I found it difficult at times to separate my culture from myself. Thus, I've had to learn to transcend cultural barriers that may restrict me from getting where I want to get.

In effect, the Law of X is just the ability to do what you need to do to get where you need to go. The primary focus of the philosophy is to learn to ignore whatever external influences affect you, regardless of what they are, for the single-minded goal of understanding yourself. In the Law of X, there is no race, social class, wealth, and so on...we simply stand alone in a void trying to put fragments of a large,complicated equation together in order to understand what life means to you.

Sorry if I sound philosophical and my journal has been reduced to incoherent babbling, but I've got a lot of things on my mind right now, and my mind is working at that level of abstraction where I can understand the things that I just wrote.

{arf,arf}

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Family Law

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to one of my close friends about family issues, specifically how people that marry into a family tend to do things to destroy the unity shared by the family. Pretty amazing stuff, we're from two totally different cultures, but yet we experience the same things in our own family.

Well, today I've decided that the best way to deal with these outsiders that want to break the peace and tranquility of a family is to establish a legal system governed by the family. Firstly, the institution of marriage needs to be modified to become a bit more legal. In essence, the bride and groom should sign contracts established by both families that outline the general guidelines of the family structure, norms and values of the family, and so on. Failure to uphold any part of the contract on either party's side will result in an immediate nullification of the marriage.

However, the legal system does not need to be excessively rigid and still respects the ideology of "love". Therefore, if one party does something to void the marriage contract, depending on the nature of the infraction the family may decide not to uphold the terms of the contract. Additionally, if the person does something totally offensive to the family, but the bride/groom is not willing to part with the individual, then they will be allowed to maintain an "illegal" marriage; however, because the marriage is illegal by family law, a restraining order will be issued against both parties, effectively exiling them from the family unit [except for certain occassions agreed upon by the family, if they so choose].

Secondly, before a couple gets married, they must go through a period of "trial marriage" which may last from several months to several years. During the trial marriage period, the couple will live together as husband and wife and practically share all responsibilities as if they were officially married. After the trial marriage period is up and both families are satisfied that the individual meets their requirements, the couple will immediately be promoted to an official state of marriage.

Finally, it is important to note that there are people in this world that are inherently evil. Most people have a balance between good and evil, but there are just some people that tend to have more evil than others. Well, it is oftentimes difficult to screen out evil people during the trial phase, because if they are patient enough, they will wait until the marriage has been ratified. Therefore, in the marriage contract, there should be an "Evil People Nullification Clause", whereby if it is determined that a person is evil and there is sufficient evidence brought against them that proves this fact, then the marriage contract will officially become null and void.

The legal system outlined here is by no means perfect. However, it represents a way in which the unity of the family structure can be preserved by having all family members actively participating in the marriage. It is intended to be flexible while at the same time being able to screen out the so-called "evil people" that will attempt to destroy the family unity.


{arf, arf}

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Letter to Male Celebrities

To: Brad@Pitt.com, Orlando@Bloom.com, Colin@Farell.com, Tom@Cruise.com, Johnny@Depp.com
Cc: Good_Looking_Male_Celebs@Hollywood.com
Bcc: Not_So_Good_Looking_Males@AverageGuys.com
Subject: Class Action Suit against good-looking, rich, mail celebrities

Dear Male Celebrities,
I must firstoff say that I am completely offended by your good looks. As an average dog living in a leaky kennel, I am further put off by the tremendous wealth that all of you command. The reason for bringing a class action suit against you is that I believe that you are in violation of the anti-trust laws as well as my first amendment rights to freedom of speech.

With respect to my claim of anti-trust, you gentlemen have formed a powerful conglomeration of rich, powerful men that monopolize the already scare resource of women in the world. Similar to Microsoft, you have become too large and too powerful for the smaller, not so good looking, poorer men of the world to compete with.

Additionally, you have violated my first amendment rights by 1) making it impossible for me to talk to a female without her making a reference to some famous, rich, good-looking, actor and 2) Making it impossible for me to talk to famous Hollywood females who seem to only be interested in Hollywood males.

As you can see, your good looks and wealth severely impedes my freedom to date a good-looking woman as an average looking [or slightly below average] poor guy. How can I compete with Mr. Pitt whose deep voice, boyish good looks, and amazing smile melts the heart of millions of women on a daily basis? I mean, how can I live in a world where women would choose to date an elf over me? It's completely depressing when a girl tells me that she'd rather date an ambiguously gay pirate on crack than the Angry Dog!!!

In addition, Mr. Cruise, I knew [of] Ms. Cruz way before you--as a matter of fact I was a fan of hers ever since I saw her [on film] as a young actress in Spain. However, you have ruined all opportunities with me and her, and I thank you very much for that. Mr. Farrel, hmmm....you haven't really done anything specifically to me, but I can't stand your good looks anyway.

So gentlemen, as you see, the average male faces a great deal of pressure as a result of your good looks and wealth. Therefore, the reason for bringing suit against you is because I simply have no choice and the only way I can save myself [and perhaps become a celebrity myself] is to do something as ridiculous as this. What the hell, if William Hung can become a sex symbol with no talent and terrible teeth , then so can Angry Dog [who has much better teeth]!

{arf, arf}

Monday, May 03, 2004

The Mysteries of Women

Arf, Arf, A Bright and Glorious Monday Morning to you all! This is Angry Dog on the air coming at you with lyrical agility and philosophical insight that will make even Aristotle pee himself.

The topic of today's blog is entitled "The Mysteries of Women". See, I was sitting around in my kennel this morning, just chewing on a bone and minding my own business when a thought suddenly hit me--what exactly do women want? Now, the Angry Dog of yesteryear, who was the biggest narcissist ever, would probably have said "women want me". However, Angry Dog Version 2k+4 is a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and a little more experienced in the ways of the world [one would hope].

At any rate, the truth is that Angry Dog doesn't know what women want; however, Angry Dog knows that women sometimes tend to have the same insecurities as guys. For example, back in the days when I was a young pup strutting my stuff around the campus of E* Community College, I used to get along really well with the ladies...I liked talking to them, and they seemed to like talking to me. However, the Angry Dog just didn't seem to have what it takes to have a girlfriend.

You see, though I could talk to the girls, I really couldn't go any further than that...you know, asking them out on dates and that kind of thing--I was too shy and didn't think that girls would really be interested in me. Flash forward to five years after Community College and I'm hanging out at a gas station [of all places] when I run into a chick I had a mad crush on back in the day. We get to talking and she asks me why I never asked her out, so I told her I was shy. She looks at me and tell me that she had a mad crush on me too, but she just thought I wouldn't be interested in a girl like her.

I would've thought this behavior to be an anomaly, except over the years I've met many other girls from Community College days who told me the same thing--"we had a crush on you, but we were just too shy to come talk to you" or "I thought that *insert your favorite girl's name here* was trying to get with you, so we didn't think we had a chance."

That's when it hit me that women tend to be as insecure as guys when it comes to dealing with someone they're interested in. However, the major difference is that society has put pressure on men to be the ones to make the first move. So, women grow up with expectations that if a man doesn't try to make the effort get with the girl, then he's not interested and men grow up with the expectations that they have to try and get the girl, but if the girl is way to attractive then the chances of him getting shot down will be greater [based on precedents already established]. Furthermore, we are also pre-disposed to thinking that if a woman attempts to make the first move, she's too easy and therefore a "loose" person.

So, I say screw it all--the way I feel about things as a man [errr....dog], is that women have proven to us time and time again that they are equal to, or greater than, men in all respects. So, I don't see why it should be such a big deal if a woman is the one to take the initiative and ask the guy out. Personally, my life would be much easier if all the guesswork was taken out of dating! I mean, sure, it's good to have some mystery, but waiting around forever wondering if you should make your move is just a senseless waste of time!!! but that's just my opinion.

{arf, arf}