Monday already. It's incredible how difficult it is to wake up on a Monday morning knowing that you have to face five whole days of work before seeing the weekend again. "Beep Beep, Beep Beep." Why the hell did I set that damn Nokia alarm for 7:30am again? Oh yeah, I need to wake up and put all my teaching material together. Do I really need to be up at this ungodly hour? Heck no! Somehow I manage to hit the snooze button again...just another 10 minutes and I'll be good!
Ten minutes later, "Beep Beep, Beep Beep." Shit, is it 7:40am already? Dammit! Let's see, if I wake up at 8:00am, I'll still have time to do everything I need to do, get out of the house no later than 8:40am and still be in time for work! So, I fidget with the alarm and set it for 8:00am. 20 minutes roll by and I'm woken up for the third time by the annoying "Beep Beep" sound. F*ck it, snooze button...
8:10am, This is the fourth time I'm waking up and I can't stand it anymore! I know that this is absolutely the last window of opportunity I have to make it in to work on time. I fight the urge to hit the snooze button for the fifth round. For a moment I consider calling in sick, but it doesn't make sense, because it would mean I'd have to get out of bed and fumble around for the house phone to call the office (yes, I have a cellphone next to my bed, but it's after 7am and I'd be using up unnecessary minutes).
I roll out of bed and look at the time--Shit! It's already 8:15am, I wasted 5 minutes thinking about getting out of bed! Oh no stomach hurts and bladder is about to explode! Need to rush to the bathroom. Ahhh, blessed relief! I glance at my wristwatch sitting precariously on the sink, 5 more minutes have passed and I'm nowhere near ready for work! No time for a shave this morning, need to hop in the shower fast! The warm water feels so good against my back, especially because it's winter time and I'm usually cold as hell in the morning (even with the temperature up to 70 degrees). I lose track of time, letting the water gently beat down on my head and neck and wash the soap from my body. Suddenly it hits me that I'm not being paid to advertise Axe Bodywash and I really need to get out of the house!
I stumble out of the shower and reach for the towel that isn't on the towel hanger. Man, I can't believe I didn't remember to put the damn towel back last night! In a flash, I hop out of the tub, open the bathroom door, and run to the master bedroom...the cold air beats against my wet body and I let out a loud Jamaican expletive through chattering teeth.
I guess I cursed too loudly. The neighbor's dog begins to bark at me. F*ck you dog, I'm already late for work as it is! I retrieve the towel sitting on my bed head and quickly dry myself. Hopefully the long trail of wet footprints in the rug will dry out by the time I get home from work. I grab my deoderant and savagely wipe it under my arms, stopping every now and then to curse at the annoying little dog barking at me from upstairs. I look around for a pair of Khaki pants that aren't wrinkled, of course they'll all be wrinkled because I never iron them that much anyway! Nope, can't wear any of these! Aha, last week's jeans! Here we go! Quick, grab a t-shirt and sweater, it doesn't matter what sweater, they all smell the same! OK, now I need socks....a ha, white socks! I'm wearing boots to work today! (Pebbles would cringe at the site of me wearing white socks to work).
Alright, I'm almost there! I have my clothes on...I don't need to brush my hair since I cut it all off last weekend (a time-saving device, but also an extremely dumb thing to do considering that it's mid-winter and I really need as much insulation as I can get!). Rush to the kitchen and pour some cereal in a bowl with some milk. Oh crap, the milk expired last week! OK, so no breakfast this morning! A mad dash to the living room to gather up my teaching material and laptop. I look at the time display on the cable box....8:50am. OK, I can still make it to work on time....well, at least within 5 minutes of being on time...if there's no traffic and I maintain exactly 60mph from start to finish. I grab my boots and pull them on--I'll tie the laces when I get to work. What am I missing? Oh yeah, I know! My jacket, hat, car keys, and wallet. Thank God! I found a jacket on the couch which has a hat stuck in one of the pockets. Fortunately I chose that jacket, since it was covering my car keys and wallet.
Alright, I'm good to go! I head out the door and then it suddenly hits me...sonofoabitch, I forgot that it snowed last night and I need to de-ice the car before I can drive to work. Ten minutes later, I'm still scraping ice and brushing snow. Let's do the math here, it's 15 after 9, I have a class to teach at 10, and it takes about an hour (or 60 minutes) to get from home to work...an impossible feat, right? Think again! I made it to work with 5 minutes to spare! I know the trucker, the two old ladies, the three pickup truck drivers, and the tractor were not impressed with my ability to overtake on winding roads!!!
{Nuff Said}
Ten minutes later, "Beep Beep, Beep Beep." Shit, is it 7:40am already? Dammit! Let's see, if I wake up at 8:00am, I'll still have time to do everything I need to do, get out of the house no later than 8:40am and still be in time for work! So, I fidget with the alarm and set it for 8:00am. 20 minutes roll by and I'm woken up for the third time by the annoying "Beep Beep" sound. F*ck it, snooze button...
8:10am, This is the fourth time I'm waking up and I can't stand it anymore! I know that this is absolutely the last window of opportunity I have to make it in to work on time. I fight the urge to hit the snooze button for the fifth round. For a moment I consider calling in sick, but it doesn't make sense, because it would mean I'd have to get out of bed and fumble around for the house phone to call the office (yes, I have a cellphone next to my bed, but it's after 7am and I'd be using up unnecessary minutes).
I roll out of bed and look at the time--Shit! It's already 8:15am, I wasted 5 minutes thinking about getting out of bed! Oh no stomach hurts and bladder is about to explode! Need to rush to the bathroom. Ahhh, blessed relief! I glance at my wristwatch sitting precariously on the sink, 5 more minutes have passed and I'm nowhere near ready for work! No time for a shave this morning, need to hop in the shower fast! The warm water feels so good against my back, especially because it's winter time and I'm usually cold as hell in the morning (even with the temperature up to 70 degrees). I lose track of time, letting the water gently beat down on my head and neck and wash the soap from my body. Suddenly it hits me that I'm not being paid to advertise Axe Bodywash and I really need to get out of the house!
I stumble out of the shower and reach for the towel that isn't on the towel hanger. Man, I can't believe I didn't remember to put the damn towel back last night! In a flash, I hop out of the tub, open the bathroom door, and run to the master bedroom...the cold air beats against my wet body and I let out a loud Jamaican expletive through chattering teeth.
I guess I cursed too loudly. The neighbor's dog begins to bark at me. F*ck you dog, I'm already late for work as it is! I retrieve the towel sitting on my bed head and quickly dry myself. Hopefully the long trail of wet footprints in the rug will dry out by the time I get home from work. I grab my deoderant and savagely wipe it under my arms, stopping every now and then to curse at the annoying little dog barking at me from upstairs. I look around for a pair of Khaki pants that aren't wrinkled, of course they'll all be wrinkled because I never iron them that much anyway! Nope, can't wear any of these! Aha, last week's jeans! Here we go! Quick, grab a t-shirt and sweater, it doesn't matter what sweater, they all smell the same! OK, now I need socks....a ha, white socks! I'm wearing boots to work today! (Pebbles would cringe at the site of me wearing white socks to work).
Alright, I'm almost there! I have my clothes on...I don't need to brush my hair since I cut it all off last weekend (a time-saving device, but also an extremely dumb thing to do considering that it's mid-winter and I really need as much insulation as I can get!). Rush to the kitchen and pour some cereal in a bowl with some milk. Oh crap, the milk expired last week! OK, so no breakfast this morning! A mad dash to the living room to gather up my teaching material and laptop. I look at the time display on the cable box....8:50am. OK, I can still make it to work on time....well, at least within 5 minutes of being on time...if there's no traffic and I maintain exactly 60mph from start to finish. I grab my boots and pull them on--I'll tie the laces when I get to work. What am I missing? Oh yeah, I know! My jacket, hat, car keys, and wallet. Thank God! I found a jacket on the couch which has a hat stuck in one of the pockets. Fortunately I chose that jacket, since it was covering my car keys and wallet.
Alright, I'm good to go! I head out the door and then it suddenly hits me...sonofoabitch, I forgot that it snowed last night and I need to de-ice the car before I can drive to work. Ten minutes later, I'm still scraping ice and brushing snow. Let's do the math here, it's 15 after 9, I have a class to teach at 10, and it takes about an hour (or 60 minutes) to get from home to work...an impossible feat, right? Think again! I made it to work with 5 minutes to spare! I know the trucker, the two old ladies, the three pickup truck drivers, and the tractor were not impressed with my ability to overtake on winding roads!!!
{Nuff Said}
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So di I cool?