Am I Racist?

So they executed Tookie Williams in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, December 13th, as scheduled. Sad to see the brother go down like this (thanks a lot Arnold for not commuting his sentence to life in prison). Oh well brother Tookie, guilty or not guilty, your life was not in vain and you will still stand as a symbol of redemption for millions of us out there.

Today we had a gift exchange thing at the office and I'm pleased to say that my colleauge loved the tie and box of candies I bought for him. I was also well pleased with my gifts: a 50 pack of CD-Rs and an assortment of pens and pencils. A professor simply cannot go without these things (particularly a professor who believes in buying music and then copying them to CD-Rs for use in the car--why bother scratch up the originals?).

Anyhow, while on the way to work, I had to stop and pick up the other half of my colleauge's Christmas present and a nice little gift bag. The store I chose to go to was the Super Wal-Mart about 20 minutes away from my workplace. Now, the people in this little rural town where the Wal-Mart is located tend to be very country (i.e. redneck-ish) and, as such, they tend to be a little bit on the racist side as well (or so I've been told a few times). Usually, I have no problems with these people, as they either ignore me or look at me in a weird sort of "who the hell is this n*gg*r coming up in our store?" sort of way.

Now, I would (usually) consider myself to be a non-threatining type of black man. I'm not very tall, always smiling, polite, and generally laid back. The only intimidating thing about me would probably be my broad shoulders and massive chest. Today, I walked into the Wal-Mart, and was busily looking for the items I needed for my co-worker's gifts, when a very old man walked up to me and nodded. Ok, I nodded back. As I walked around the clothing rack, another middle-aged man nodded to me and said "how are you doing this morning?". At the end of my shopping excursion, a total of seven people had nodded at me or said good morning. All of them were what I'd consider to be "good old boys" (i.e. the big truck driving, John Deere hat wearing, NASCAR-watching, camoflauge as formal-wear type people who live in the mountains).

Being that I've become quite a bit jaded after understanding the true nature of contemporary racism in America, I question the motives of these people. Are they "nice" to me because they're afraid of black men? Are they simply not racist? Are they tolerant of black folks as long as they don't try to have relations with their sons and daughters? Are they trying to get over their own complexes about Blacks and being nice to me is just Step 4 of a 12-Step program?

On the other side of the coin, am I being racist toward them? Do I really need to question the motives of these people because they chose to be civil toward me? Should I be unfriendly toward them?

Last night, after talking to Pebbles, I realized that I've become a little bit intolerant. Normally, I have nothing against white folks, but lately I find myself calling them "crackers" when I believe that I'm not being treated fairly. Also, it seems as if I've developed a complex against East Indians. Nevermind that I share over 60% of my ethnic background with East Indians, nor that my dad's wife is a second or third generation East Indian, nor that some of my best friends here in the US come from said continent. I think I've gotten upset at a vast number of them as a result of my grad school experience. Many of the Indians I went to grad school with proved to be a most dishonorable set of individuals who cheated on exams and assignments with great vigor and got great jobs at the end of their time because they had access to a vast network of other Indians. For me, it sort of cheapened the whole idea of studying and working hard for what you want.

Bearing all these thoughts in mind, the big question of the day is Am I Racist?

Comments

Rev Island said…
You are not racist - you are just concsious of racism. This may lead to you thinking that some people are racist when they might not be. I think the best way forward is for everyone to give everyone a chance. Even in the heart of redneckville, USA.
Campfyah said…
No you are not racist, you are just calling the shots as you see them. Many ethnic people who live in areas such as yourself experience the same things you do. We all have these thoughts, just that many of us don't express them as you are. At least we know where you stand on the issue. Racism is out there alive and well, we just have to live with it and don't let it live with us.
Abeni said…
More wary than racist.but as Doc says you got to try not to prejudge.Not always an easy thing to do but it helps
De Immigrant said…
You're not being a racist. I think this white vs. black attitude and way of life in this country tends to get to us West Indians every few years. We just unconciously get impatient with it and start to take every gesture personally.
I guess those whites were just try to state to you "yes I can be friendly to blacks" or "who me? am not a bigot!". Start flirting with some pretty little white chic and see how that goes over!
Unknown said…
That's a question you have to answer mad bull.

I agree with the doc, if you are looking out for it you will find it.

I agree that racism exists, especially in the US an UK. But like small island girl, I just visit the US so I have not experiencd it. Here in Jamaica it's not privalent, so I can't really relate firsthand.

But until people start looking at others as individuals and not as another race, then racism will always be a festering sore.
Jdid said…
I think its the pressure of being a minority getting to you. Like for instance one of my neighbours (well a fair ways down the street) has this little yappy poodle that always barks at me. The owner looks just like a real redneck and whenever I saw good morning he just stares at me. Now is he a racist or is he just a miserable old prick. I guess just because of his looks I always think he's racist, who knows

anyways all that to say I relate to what you are saying
dorna! said…
No, I don't think you're being racist; but you are probably becoming somewhat sensitive to the possible pitfalls of being a visible minority. Just don't let the paranoia get to you.
Mad Bull said…
Of course you're racist.How could you say that about your East Indina Bredrins! >:-(

Just kidding. Still, if you don't look at it via statistics, you won't know whether the cheating is endemic or if the few you saw were like the exception to the rule.

If you had access to a vast network of angry dogs, wouldn't you use it?

Word Verification : xksxaclh 8-0
Mad Bull said…
Happy New Year, AD! More bloggage in 2006, please?