Leave Dem Kids Alone!

Have I been out of the media loop or what? I guess that's what happens when you spend 5 days immersing yourself in the murky waters of academia and end up being at a conference dorm with no television or radio. No, the picture on the left isn't me [I'm much better looking, thank you very much!]. It happens to be an age-progressed picture of Michael Jackson at age 45 (his current age I believe) done by some forensic artist with mucho time on his/her hands. If you're interested in seeing the original picture as well as how he would look at age 70, click here.

Speaking of Michael, here's an excerpt from a letter I wrote to him the other day while I was locked away in my little conference cell:

Dear Michael,
so you're a free man once more, huh? congratulations to you sir! I'm not completely disappointed by the results still, because the mother and son who accused you did seem to be quite shady IMHO! Anyhow, while you enjoy your newfound freedom, might I implore you to consider a few things:

1. Sell Neverland Ranch and get the hell out of California rude bwoy. It ain't good for you! I'd suggest moving to Florida or New York or even consider going to the Caribbean (possibly Jamaica?).

2. In the words of Pink Floyd: Leave Dem Kids Alone Rude Bwoy! It doesn't matter if you're trying to be benevolent or a philantrophist, you'll still get burned by some parent wanting to take advantage of your good nature, just leave dem kids alone!

3. Hook up with artistes like Elephant Man, Fras Krew, TOK, or Junior Gong and re-invent your music man!! (Gwen Stefani did and look @ her now). As a matter of fact, forget about the name Michael Jackson altogether, might I suggest something like "D.J. Mikey J aka di gyal dem Craven-A" or something more roots like "Ras Jacky".

4. Stop wearing dem rass 80's "Prince and the Revolution" gears and go buy yourself a pair of wash-out jeans and a Sean John t-shirt.

5. Get a tan, pump two weights, and start meeting girls again rude bwoy! Trust me, it will help you get you mind off the kids and even if the tools not working so well, you might try a few Jamaican recipes like "front end lifter" or "tantaria" (and even if stuff still unviagra-able rude bwoy, you still have a mouth and a perfectly good tongue!). Oh btw, if you indeed have skin problems and is not really plastic surgery mash you up, I can recommend a good dermatologist in the form of Dr. D.

6. Bogle dead so we need a new dance king and since you is the king of pop and you used to have some tight moves still viz Thriller, Bad, etc. you might be just what dancehall need!

...

Anyhow Michael, I don't know if this letter is going to reach you and I surely don't know if you'll even give a rass about all the things I've said, but I hope you will at least heed one piece of advice from this foolish old dog: Leave Dem Kids Alone!!!

Sincerely,

Angry Dog