Why The Dog Don't Judge Beauty Contests Anymore

Alright people, it's Tuesday and I just got home from work. Now, judging from the fact that it's 4:00pm, many of you are probably asking how the R.A.S.S. I am home from work so early! Well, check this out, Tuesdays and Thursdays I teach 1 class that is an hour and 20 minutes long---so the drive is actually longer than the teaching time--oh well, what can you do, especially when the money relatively decent by West Virginia standards.

Hey, before I forget, does anybody out in blogland want a G-Mail invite? I have about 3 throwing around, so if you're interested, drop me a comment and specify some (non-hotmail) e-mail address. Anyhow, now that I'm done whoring for Google, I'm going to launch into the original purpose for writing this dissertation as to why I don't judge beauty contests.

From the looks of things, the Jamaican blogging community is very much into the whole beauty contest thing. Speaking of which, congratulations to Toyota Toyboy Tonoya Toyloy for capturing the hearts of Jamaicans and becoming our new Miss Jamaica World...best of luck you hear my girl!

Anyhow, the Doc, the Bull and the Foot have been having very interesting debates about the look of the Miss Jamaica contestants. Well, I am usually an eager little dog when it comes to many of the discussions here, but in this case I decided to bite my tongue. You see, I have long ago learned that judging beauty contests wasn't my forte (sp?). As a child growing up, I would always watch these events with my grandfather and, more times than not, we'd predict the top three finalists with some recent degree of accuracy--hey, we knew our women!

At any rate, I have come to realize that most of the girls in the competitions have a very high Dehwidability Index, or D.I. for short, (i.e. the higher the D.I. the stronger the likelihood that if I saw any one of these girls on the street I would want to hook up [deh wid] dem). In addition, most of them have a very high Sexability Index as well (which is a measure of how much sex I would like to have with them). If one were to examine the correlation between the D.I. and the S.I, then one would probably realize that the majority of these women (with very few exceptions) would be quite possibly a love/lust interest for me.

Anyhow, the problem is not that I find these women highly appealing, it's just that I find that by spending too much time judging these beautiful women and trying to find flaws (consciously or not) leads to an unrealistic sense of beauty and I tend to have too high standards for women. In fact, I even found myself in the past dating extremely gorgeous girls, usually breaking up with them because of some simple things like a mole on her nose or one breast being slightly bigger than the other or her hair not being long and wavy enough or because the butt did not have just the right amount of bounce. Who the hell was I to be telling judging these women for these little things? I am by no means perfect myself and I never made anybody!

As a matter of fact, I remember when I realized how annoying it is to be physically compared to someone is when I was dating 512 (so named because she was 6' tall, but kept telling people that she was 5'12" tall) and I had just earned my black belt (yes Stu, the Dog used to be somewhat of a martial artist back in the day) and we had gone to see some Van Damme movie. So here we are, me and 512 watching movie and hear her to me "So Dog, how you can't kick so high?", "So Dog, how come you can't split so far?", "So Dog, how come you your abs not as tight like Jean-Claude's?" Finally, I got so fed up with her that I said "So 512, how come you not normal height?", knowing full well that she was very conscious of her height in those days!

To say that I have transcended the whole good-looking woman drama would be a severe stretch of the truth. For sure, I've come to terms with the fact that I like attractive women (case in point, Pebbles), but I realize there is a lot more to women than looks...I've met some pretty hot women who were pretty "not" in the mental department. Good looks are fine, but if you have about the same level of intelligence as a box of hammers, it not going to work! By no means am I an intellectual snob and I don't intend to sound like one, but any woman I'm with has to be sufficiently intelligent so that we can have a decent conversation about things like polit(r)ic(k)s, art, music, culture, religion and so on. Don't need a college degree to be intelligent, but she just need to have a little something about her, if you catch my drift.

Anyhow, I think I've exhausted my mind for now, so I think I'll take a little break from the blog and go look about the trenton that is gently roasting in the kitchen!