Monday, July 19, 2004

Return of the Dog

OK, so I know I said that I'd be away from blogging for a good two weeks and I'm back 11 days earlier than anticipated, but I couldn't help myself. With all the comments I received from my friends, particularly the folks in the Jamaican blogging community, Stifled_Angel and Hard_Nonsense (I'l soon comment on your latest stories, I promise), I knew that I would be missed...thank you guys for supporting the dog! I really didn't want to quit blogging to be honest with you, but I guess the stress of defending my thesis and moving as well as coming up with good ways to teach my students was just a wee bit much for me, but I'm better now.

Anyhow, just a quick update on the moving status. I've done it I've done it I've done it. Yes, I moved from the apartment complex I've lived at for the past 6 years...even finished cleaning and turned in the keys yesterday! Hopefully my landlord is happy with the cleaning job I've done (though I must admit that the place looks much better than when I first moved in!). The new place is awesome! It's quiet, there's parking right in front of my building, it has central air and it's really cozy. Best of all, I don't have to climb 101 flights of stairs anymore to get home! You can understand why I didn't really enjoy going to the supermarket too often when I was in the old place. Sure, the rent is a little bit more and I have to pay for electricity and water--but what the hell, I'm a grown-up with a real job and I should start living like one! I hope that Pebbles will love the place as much as I do! The only thing that bugs the life out of me is the fact that I have to deal with a *gasp* pink bathroom! Thank God for my friend Jalee who helped me to locate some curtains that helped to tone down the Pepto-Bismol pink!


While perusing the Jamaica Gleaner this morning (yes, even though I am in far-een I like to know what's going on in the motherland from time to time), I came across an interesting article about this lady named Marlene Rodriguez-Rowe who hails from Olympic Gardens. People, this woman is a saint if I've ever seen one! Her involvement in the community is astounding and, based on the article, she is a selfless giver who is always looking for some way or the other to give back to her community! To tell you the truth, I'm really impressed by this woman because she is trying to make a difference in the lives of inner city kids--something that our politicians can't really claim (unless giving guns and money to youths to kill each other all in the name of polit(r)ic(k)s is considered a community activity). At any rate, my hats off to this lady for trying to make a difference in these kids lives and showing them that there is a better way to rise above poverty.

Well on a lighter note, you all know that the Angry Dog is all about top 10 this and top 10 that, well here's my latest top 10 chart...something I like to call "Angry's Top 10 Reasons for Having a Big Gut"



1. Status Symbol -- A big stomach may be construed to be a symbol of good health because it means that you can actually afford food to get that stomach, therefore there is a positive correlation between the size of one's waistline and the fatness of their bank account.

2. Cruise Control -- Ever driving on a long, straight, boring stretch of road and wish you could just release the steering wheel and the car would keep going straight? Well, if you have a big stomach, all you have to do is pull the driver's seat forward and let the wheel rest on top of your gut, leaving your hands free for other things like reading, photography or masturbation.

3. Lifting Device -- Sometimes if you're lifting something heavy it pays to have a big gut, because you can rest stuff on the ledge between your stomach and your chest, thereby reducing the load on your arms. Let's see those six-pack boys try that.

4. Food Catcher -- Ever had those times when you're eating a nice meal and something falls off your plate? Well, if you have a nice, big stomach you will easily be able to catch whatever falls from your plate on the ledge (as described in reason #3).

5, Survival Kit -- In times of famine, the big guts will prevail! While those skinny six-packers will fall down dead from starvation, the big bellied ones will have ample supplies to live off and, as such, the big bellied shall inherit the earth *insert sinster laugh here*.

6. Space Heater -- Ladies if you live in cold climates where heating is unpredictable you need to invest in a BBM *Big Bellied Male*. Imagine those long, cold nights where the heating is out and you have your BBM next to you...just rub the tummy and see how quickly he warms up, providing you with ample heat all night long! Plus, the tummy makes an exceptionally inviting pillow.

7. Penis Enhancer -- If the gut is large enough to hide your willy from your vision, you can always imagine that it's a lot bigger than it really is! Screw Smiling Bob and the annoying Enzyte Male Enhancement ads...it's what you imagine that makes the difference ;).

8. Trampoline -- Kids love this, why not just jump up and down in Daddy's big tummy...it has enough elasticity to keep kids entertained for hours!

9. Flotation Device -- It is a scientifically-proven fact that skinny people drown faster than those with more than ample stomachs. If you think about it for a moment, it all makes sense, the stomach is the perfect flotation device! If you relax and concentrate your stomach should be able to keep you afloat until help arrives, it's a medically proven fact...ask Dr. D

10. Sporting Events -- Have you ever been to those football matches (or other sporting events) where you have all these fans cheering wildly and there is a group of topless males with different letters painted on their stomach who stand up and you realize that the letters spell something like "Go Team!" Well, if you have a big enough stomach, you can be your own one man cheering section at sporting events. Imagine, you're watching the Reggae Boyz play against, say the US and it's the middle of the first half and we're not doing so well. The Americans have their little skinny fellows with one letter painted on their tiny stomaches spelling out something like "Let's Go!" or "Go Team" and you get up, peel your shirt of, proudly revealing something like "Gwaan Chru Reggae Boyz Mek Wi Bruk Up Dem Bo**boR*$$C**t"...that is patriotisim at it's highest IMHO.

Enjoy the rest of your day folks!

{arf,arf}

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