Wednesday, July 28, 2004

I Stand Alone...

We live in a world filled with illusions, simple smoke and mirrors that shield us from the reality of our environment. From the moment of our birth, we are alone. We spend the majority of our time alone and our death is ours and ours alone. For the raw reality of it all is that our time here is nothing more than a three-phase cycle--birth, life and death.

I suppose that it is the mere nature of man that we try to etch our names permanently upon this world as a simple monument to ourselves that will remind those that come after us that we were actually here. When I die, will I be remembered for good? will I be remembered for evil? will I be remembered at all? or will the memory of all that I am, all that I was, be forever lost in the sands of time.

One does not truly realize the complete magnitude of lonliness until he finds himself sitting in a dimly lit room pouring his thoughts into a machine that can neither comprehend or symphatize with his plight. It is then he realizes that, in the darkest hour, he can only turn to himself for companionship, for assurance, for strength. Love is an illusion, for those that you love the strongest will always hurt you the deepest. If love is as wonderful as they say it is, then why must we hurt the ones we love and get hurt by them in return?

Happiness is a temporal state, for regardless of how much we strive for, crave, or desire happiness, it can never be a constant, for such is its fleeting nature. I suppose that these things must be, for it is all a part of the price we must pay for the disobedience of Adam and Eve so long ago.

Friendship is also an illusion designed to torment us. With very few exceptions, most so-called friends have ulterior motives...the concept of a "true friend" is very difficult to comprehend for most. Why is it that I am able to do things for others without ever counting the cost, while others must "keep score" of all the things that you do for them and they do for you--is it not true that a friend helps another friend unconditionally? or am I simply the product of a family that was too self-righteous?

In the final analysis, life is an illusion and all that we hold dear to ourselves will, in one way or another, fail us. I have failed those close to me many times and so too have they. In truth, I have even failed myself. How can it be fair then that me, my best friend, could let myself down? I suppose that this is one of the greater paradoxes for the ages or a startling reflection of the nature of Man.

When you strip away the love, the hatred, the anguish and the joy we are simply mortal and we are all destined to walk the world alone until our time expires and (depending on your religious inclination) exist is some mystical afterlife realm or spend eternity trapped inside a shell that no longer responds to your wishes and desires.

When my time to take leave this mortal world comes, let my name not be echoed from the mouths of those whom I leave behind. Let the memory of all that I am, all that I was, and all that I will become be consumed in the flames that will destroy my body. For I do not wish to be remembered for my good works or for the evil that I have done. I simply desire that my death, like my life, be mine and mine alone.

{nuff said}

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