Friday, July 23, 2004

Friday Flexing

Well, hello one and all...it's 11:44pm on a Friday night and I'm getting ready to call it quits for the night. Didn't do very much today still--just took it easy and spent the day sleeping, chatting with Pebbles and a few other folks, and generally being a bum. My buddy Gabe picked me up earlier this afternoon and we ended up going to the police station [no I'm not in any trouble with the law if that's what y'all thinking...I am a well-behaved dog, I hardly bark and only bite when told to do so!] to get my parking permit transferred to his name, since parking is really scarce in Little Big City and a permit is like gold nowadays. After that, we went to the B*Pub and had some nasty cheap beer and then some rum and coke [for Gabe] and a gay Strawberry Daquiri for me [it had nuff Tequila, so don't even try to think it was a girl's drink I was drinking!].

Got dropped home by Gabe and Jalee came over for pizza and a movie...pizza was good, movie wasn't happening...we were both too tired, so we ended up watching episodes of While You Were Out and What Not To Wear. She left about an hour ago and I decided to update my blog and see if any of the Jamaican blog possee was online, but obviously they weren't, seeing as how they have the stamina to stay out much longer than I [or someone just forgot to pay the Internet bill].

Last night I went out with my friend Texas Rob to eat some nasty Mexican food (it was really good though, but we just figured that calling it nasty would give it this rough-sounding edge that would make it seem as if we were really adventerous). On the way to the restaurant, we saw a red Ford Probe with the sticker "MILFHunter...hunting milfs in your neighbourhood" displayed prominently on the back glass. Now, for most of you that don't know, MILF is an abbreviation for "Mom I'd Like to Shag" [substitute the F word for shag and you get the proper meaning]. Anyhow, a MILF is generally an over 30 female [usually with kid(s)] that are darn hot and there's actually a website called MILFHunter on the web (now, I'm not linking it on my site, but if you want to go see what's going on with them, you can type the URL into your own web browser].

Well, the whole idea of MILF made me start thinking about a trend that seems to becoming more apparent in Hollywood as of late...that is older women and younger men. Consider Ashton Kutcher (25) and Demi Moore (>40) or Justin Timberlake (23) and Cameron Diaz (32). These guys don't seem to be too great, but the women seem to be pretty happy and their relationships are still working [don't know for how long though]. At any rate, I think that we as men have wasted many of our precious years pursuing young, sexy little vixens that are way younger than ourselves. Generally, the older guy, younger girl thing ends in tears and nothing is really gained from this. Well fellows, I have the solution to our dilemma--"OLDER WOMEN" [are you listening to me R. Kelly?].

Forget about the youthful nymphs...we want more mature women that are in their sexual prime and who [hopefully] have accomplished a bit more with their lives than the majority of late teen-early twenties girls that we are so obsessed with. I cite my own experiences to justify this claim. My first girlfriend was at 15 and she and I were the same age--turns out that she broke my heart and left me for a bike-riding, drug-dealer from Portmore. My next girlfriend was at 16 and she was just a few months older than me...she turned out to be a 6' tall psycho-chick and I had to spend a while getting her out of my life. Then was Vicki, she was 21 when I was 16 and we had a great relationship [until I decided that I hated her feet and decided to leave her] *yes, I know, I was quirky little bastard in those days*

Well, after Vicki, there was Lana [who was my age] and she turned out to be a psycho as well...her mom even threatened to kill me after I broke up with her! Then, there was Felicia when I was 20....she was 10 years older than me and we got along really well--she understood me and knew where I was coming from with my pattern of thinking [sadly, we broke it off because she used to compare me with my dad *who she was sort of seeing before I ummm...sort of started dating her*]. Then, when I was 20, I met Samantha, who was about four-five years younger than me...things were more or less ok, except that I was in the US and she was in Jamaica and the more we grew up, the more we realized that we didn't like each other so much. Last time I saw her, she was a model for one of the more prominent modelling agencies in Jamaica and finishing up her Bachelors. Really smart and beautiful girl, but the age thing (coupled with distance) and differences in lifestyles made us have totally different expectations from each other and we couldn't work.

Next came The Pianist from Taiwan. She was about three or four years older than me and we had a great time in the year and a half we were together, until she decided to cheat on me with some fat, ugly, psychotic American fellow and then decided to go back home and get married to her ex-boyfriend...she has a kid now and I hope she's happy and more settled.

Now, I'm with Pebbles who's just a few months older than me, and our relationship is wonderful--she is such a great girlfriend and a good person that I could never ask for more in a woman. After all the twisted relationships I've been through in my lifetime, I have to say that having Pebbles in my life is like a breath of fresh air.

Anyhow, I'm not bragging [or lamenting] about my relationships...I just wanted to use my experiences to form the basis for the following formulae:

If age < 20, date women 4-5 years older.
If 20 <= age < 25, date women 3-4 years older.
If age >= 25, date women at least 6 months-1 year older than you.

See, my theory for these equations is that when you're less than 20, you're pretty dumb, therefore you need to have an older woman to provide some idea of logic and sense in your life. When you're between 20 and 25, you're still pretty dumb...but not as dumb as you were when you were under 20, so you can deal with slightly younger women. Finally, when you're 25 or older, you're expected to understand little more about life and you should've gone through the trials by fire in the early years, therefore you can safely date women who are about the same age [they're still smarter than you] because you're already set in your ways and there's really not much more you can learn from her anyway.

This work is based on my personal research and, as such, I am not responsible for anything...anybody want to turn this into a research paper with me or comment on the logics of my experiments.

{arf,arf}

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